The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

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Nyarlathotep
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The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:48 pm

I had a realization this morning about the song The 12 Days of Christmas. Many of the gifts given by the true love in the song are people, to give a person a a gift that person must be your property. What do you call people who are property of other people? Slaves, that's what. Worse, some of these people are 'lords' (A Leaping) and 'ladies' (Dancing) implying that some of these slaves are of noble birth. How do you get nobility as slaves? Conquest is the only way I can think of. Lastly, the true love has a thing for birds, with a single exception (the Golden Rings) every gift that isn't a slave is bird-related. I think this weird fascination with birds show mental instability.

So to recap, the 'true love' in the song is someone who is has an unhealthy fascination with birds and who conquers foreign lands and enslaves their nobles as entertainers, until tiring of them and giving them to someone who (likely underr duress) refers to him/her as their 'true love' and is then (again likely under duress) sings an homage to their generosity.

Probably cackles maniacly while putting heroes into easily escapable death traps too...
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by DrMatt » Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:06 pm

The rings are of dental gold alloy, and quite dense, one for each finger on a hand--good for pugilism. And if they wear out, well, there's plenty of them to replace 'em. Count carefully: the gifts include 12 partridges, 12 pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 french hens, etc.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:09 pm

DrMatt wrote:The rings are of dental gold alloy, and quite dense, one for each finger on a hand--good for pugilism. And if they wear out, well, there's plenty of them to replace 'em. Count carefully: the gifts include 12 partridges, 12 pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 french hens, etc.

Probably gives the spare rings to his/her henchmen...
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by grayman » Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:51 pm

And if you buy them:

`12 Days of Christmas' items' cost nears $100,000
Trying to buy the 364 items repeated in all the song's verses -- from 12 drummers drumming to a partridge in a pear tree -- would cost $96,824, an increase of 10.8 percent over last year, according to the annual Christmas Price Index compiled by PNC Wealth Management.

So you might want to try for one of everything. That would cost only $23,439, or 9.2 percent more than last year.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/12-Days-o ... 91279.html
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by gnome » Tue Nov 30, 2010 7:06 pm

Where'd they determine the going rate for slaves of noble birth that are competent performers? I think they're lowballing.

I wonder... is it a coincidence that the total number of items equals the same as the number of days in the year, minus one day (presumably the birthday, I already got you something on your birthday, you golddigger!!)

Ny, you should enter your theory into the "Fridge Horror" section on TVTropes.

Mad magazine once wrote a bit including thank you letters for each of the days. By late in the game the recipient was unhappily known as "that crazy bird lady".

Now if I can just dig up the 17 days of SC somewhere in here... probably needs some editing and canonization.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by DrMatt » Tue Nov 30, 2010 7:13 pm

gnome wrote:probably needs some editing and canonization.
Ed knows, it needs cannonization.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:01 pm

About those Gold Rings.

The person receiving the gifts from 'True Love' (likely an honorific along the lines of 'Dear Leader'), is probably a favored henchman in charge of other henchmen. If Dr. Matt's theory about the Gold rings is true, then over the course of the 12 days the henchman receives enough gold rings to outfit himself plus three other henchmen, seven if they only put the rings on one hand each. Possibly more than that if 'True Love' makes his/her henchmen cut off fingers when they fail...
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:04 pm

gnome wrote:Where'd they determine the going rate for slaves of noble birth that are competent performers? I think they're lowballing.
Enough whippings and they'll become competent sooner or later...
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Tue Nov 30, 2010 9:52 pm

gnome wrote:Where'd they determine the going rate for slaves of noble birth that are competent performers? I think they're lowballing.
These are slaves acquired through conquest, so the cost would be zero, unless you are counting the cost of the conquest, and that's going to depend on the difficulty of country that's being conquested.

Are there any nobles in Canada?

This pricing thing seems difficult. Good thing I'm a scientist and not a tally man for a conquistidor.

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by EvilYeti » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:07 pm

[youtube]l2oPio60mK4[/youtube]

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:54 am

Also, if you pay attention you notice that on the 4th day the singer got 'Collie Birds". NOT Calling Birds (which I thought it was most of my life) but Collie Birds. What the fuck is a Collie Bird?

Most likely some sort of unholy Avian/Canine genetic hybrid, used by 'True Love' to terrorize his/her enemies and or hunt down escaped slaves.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Wed Dec 01, 2010 1:10 am

The 8 maids are a'milking.

What exactly are they milking? 8 cows? 8 goats?

Or are they milking......themselves?

Is my true love presenting me with 8 lactating maidens?

If they're lactating, then they must be pregnant, but then they wouldn't be maidens....

By jove, this song clearly provides evidence that hormonal therapy existed long before anyone ever thought!

What the hell is in this stuff?? :cigar:

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed Dec 01, 2010 1:14 am

Bruce wrote:The 8 maids are a'milking.

What exactly are they milking? 8 cows? 8 goats?

Or are they milking......themselves?

Is my true love presenting me with 8 lactating maidens?

If they're lactating, then they must be pregnant, but then they wouldn't be maidens....

By jove, this song clearly provides evidence that hormonal therapy existed long before anyone ever thought!

What the hell is in this stuff?? :cigar:

They're milking the Collie Birds. Collie bird milk lasts longer than any other kind...no one wants to drink it.

Yeah. There are more maids than collie birds, but those things are vicious and milking one is AT LEAST a two person job.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Wed Dec 01, 2010 1:20 am

I used to be disturbed by the lyric "Deck the halls with bowels of Holly", but now I realize that bitch got exactly what she deserved.

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Wed Dec 01, 2010 1:31 am

And how about that tender and mild holey infant.
Sleep in heavenly peace, baby.
That's some sick shit right there.
Just toss the leftovers on the deck with Holly's bowels, or in the fire with Chet's nuts.
Bring me some figgy pudding, bitch, or I'm not leaving. I mean it. Right now.
Do it, or Jack frost is gonna nip something, and it won't be your nose this time.


Anyone else want to sing a slaying song tonight with me?

I'm feeling jolly. :flamingevil:

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:58 am

And WTF is "Wassailing" anyway? I have no idea but it sounds kind of unsavory.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by gnome » Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:21 am

Wassailing is when Christmas Caroling used to be like Trick-or-Treat... you'd gather at the door and sing some stupid song, and then they'd give you "wassail" --some kind of warm drink (alcoholic?) and presumably figgy pudding. Or else you'd throw garlands all over their trees... which is where the tradition of Christmas tree garlands came from.
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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:31 am

My daughter is in Girl Scouts and learning Christmas songs for the first time for upcoming GS Caroling event.

It's fascinating. I barely understood the songs when I was a kid, but at least my great grandparents were around, who could tell me where the different lyrics came from and what they meant, and what things were like back when the songs were first published.

After learning the words to Jingle Bells, and asked my daughter...

Do you know what a one horse open sleigh is? No.
Do you even know what a sleigh is or what one looks like? No.

I explained it was like a big sled that was pulled by a horse.

Do you know why it was pulled by a horse? No.

I explained because it didn't have an engine like a car. It's just a big sled, so it needs to be pulled by a horse.

Do you know why it had bells? No.
Do you know what bob tails are? No.

We wish you a Merry Christmas....

Do you know what tidings are and how you bring them? No.
Do you know what "kin" means? No.
Do you have the slightest idea what figgy pudding is? No.

Why do we make children sing these songs that are nearly 100 years old and use words and terms that are no longer part of every day language?

Why?

Because our parents made us do it! :twisted:

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Bruce » Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:40 am

If you're wondering where I am, I'll be o'er the fields, laughing all the way, on a one whore soap and slay.

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Re: The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

Post by Quester_X » Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:37 am

I read a great take on the song that was a series of letters written by an increasingly disturbed and annoyed lady to her "True Love". Quite hilarious.

But I don't think the song can be any creepier than this:
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videol ... 4749-ep070
You'll all be mine, in the end.