The 12 Days of Christmas is a scary song

[asthmatic camel]

I think it was Terry Pratchett's Mustrum Ridcully who sang:

On the second day of Hogswatch, I sent to my true love, a little nasty letter and a partridge in a pear tree.

[hammegk]

Damn. Bruce you're in fine form today.

I needed a couple of chuckles.

[Bruce]

Damn. Bruce you're in fine form today.

I needed a couple of chuckles.

Glad I could help.

[En folkefiende]

Damn. Bruce you're in fine form today.

I needed a couple of chuckles.

Glad I could help.

I can send you a recipe for a really good (but denser than lead) figgy pudding. It's an old Welsh recipe, and once you read the ingredients you'll know why the Welsh are heavy-set and die of circulatory disorders.

But the funny thing is that it really IS quite delicious.

[asthmatic camel]

Incorrect.

Traditional Welsh food is awful. Figs? In Wales? You've got to be joking.

If you're lucky, you get a boiled sheep's head and a couple of leeks, maybe a few laverbread cakes and a few cockles.

[DrMatt]

Leeks can be okay, now and then. But spare me the daffodils.

[Bruce]

I can send you a recipe for a really good (but denser than lead) figgy pudding. It's an old Welsh recipe, and once you read the ingredients you'll know why the Welsh are heavy-set and die of circulatory disorders.

But the funny thing is that it really IS quite delicious.

Post it here.

Unless it's some ultra secret family recipe or something.

[clarsct]

I had a realization this morning about the song The 12 Days of Christmas. Many of the gifts given by the true love in the song are people, to give a person a a gift that person must be your property. What do you call people who are property of other people? Slaves, that's what. Worse, some of these people are 'lords' (A Leaping) and 'ladies' (Dancing) implying that some of these slaves are of noble birth. How do you get nobility as slaves? Conquest is the only way I can think of. Lastly, the true love has a thing for birds, with a single exception (the Golden Rings) every gift that isn't a slave is bird-related. I think this weird fascination with birds show mental instability.

So to recap, the 'true love' in the song is someone who is has an unhealthy fascination with birds and who conquers foreign lands and enslaves their nobles as entertainers, until tiring of them and giving them to someone who (likely underr duress) refers to him/her as their 'true love' and is then (again likely under duress) sings an homage to their generosity.

Probably cackles maniacly while putting heroes into easily escapable death traps too...

You say all this like it's a bad thing.

You must enslave the local lords so you may put your own people in their place. At least enough so that the others see things your way. Pillaging brings many golden rings, and pear trees are common in royal orchards. You get sick of the damned things, really.

And they aren't 'Maidens Miking', they are 'Maids a milking'. Maids are given a choice of having their Mistress bathe in their milk or their blood to stay young. Most choose milking. *shrug*
Why all the hate for a simple warlord making a living?

[gnome]

Bumping this thread for sheer rediscovered awesomeness.

[Abdul Alhazred]

So you're bored too?