Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Brick Top » Mon Jan 15, 2018 4:13 pm

You're always gonna have problems lifting an appliance in one piece! Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a washer into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the closet for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to goats. You got to starve the goats for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up telly will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta remove the cords of your victims, and pull the screws and bolts out for the sake of the goats' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through goat shit, now do you? They will go through aluminum like butter. You need at least sixteen goats to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a goat farm. They will go through a drier that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single goat can consume two pounds of stainless steel every minute. Hence the expression, "walking recycling bin."
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Witness » Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:07 am

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Photo by John Feely.

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Wed Jan 17, 2018 6:00 am

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/201 ... th-oceans/

Octopus Chokes Dolphin to Death in First-Ever Discovery

Stephens says that the 4.6-pound cephalopod appeared to have grabbed onto Gilligan's larynx with a tentacle, preventing it from reconnecting to the dolphin's breathing apparatus and effectively suffocating him to death.


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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Doctor X » Thu Jan 18, 2018 7:52 am

☝︎"Fuck me? No! Fuck you!"

Meanwhile:

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Fri Jan 19, 2018 12:44 am

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The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Witness » Fri Jan 19, 2018 5:15 am

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Fri Jan 19, 2018 11:56 pm

I will now never get this out of my head

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Brick Top » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:57 am

Do you know what "nemesis" means?
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Grammatron » Sat Jan 20, 2018 3:48 am

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent.
pillory wrote:jokes aren't funny....seriously thinking......

seriously thinking might be funny....but it's not joke

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:31 am

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Bruce » Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:43 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:I will now never get this out of my head

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La-dee-da-diddy-da-da.
La-da-diddy-daaaaa-da-a.
Sing us a song, Nyarlathotep.
Sing us a song tonight.
Well we're all in the mood for the end of times
And you have us frozen with fright.

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Such potential!

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Witness » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:12 pm

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Anaxagoras » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:31 am

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A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Witness » Wed Jan 24, 2018 4:51 am


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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Thu Jan 25, 2018 2:37 am

The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 25, 2018 10:28 am

Awwww!

A nauseatingly cutesy-poo spider. :)
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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Fri Jan 26, 2018 1:20 am

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way ... ement-suit

Grumpy Cat Awarded $710,000 In Copyright Infringement Suit

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The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Anaxagoras » Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:20 am

You don't mess with the grumpy cat.

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A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Doctor X » Fri Jan 26, 2018 3:29 pm

Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel

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Re: Not Suitable for Kitten Pics Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Sat Jan 27, 2018 3:04 am

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Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!


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