The British Teeth Thread

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The British Teeth Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:15 am

Especially for Doctor X and Abdul, who take an interest in such things.

Check out the cavities on that! I was ready to take a stilson wrench to it last night but wimped out and went to the dentist's instead.

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Doctor X » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:42 am

They have teeth?

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Wed Aug 10, 2016 10:54 am

This has to be one of the greatest SC threads of all time.
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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Rob Lister » Wed Aug 10, 2016 12:53 pm

Why no root canal? But as long as they're out, try your hand at this:

Image

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Wed Aug 10, 2016 3:15 pm

"Get shut of your teeth" like that woman in Orwell's The Road to Wigan Pier.

Linky poo later if no one beats me to it.
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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Wed Aug 10, 2016 10:54 pm

As promised :mrgreen:

George Orwell wrote: ... The most obvious sign of under-nourishment is the badness of everybody's teeth. In Lancashire you would have to look for a long time before you saw a working-class person with good natural teeth. Indeed, you see very few people with natural teeth at all, apart from the children; and even the children's teeth have a frail bluish appearance which means, I suppose, calcium deficiency. Several dentists have told me that in industrial districts a person over thirty with any of his or her own teeth is coming to be an abnormality. In Wigan various people gave me their opinion that it is best to get shut of your teeth as early in life as possible. 'Teeth is just a misery,' one woman said to me. In one house where I stayed there were, apart from myself, five people, the oldest being forty-three and the youngest a boy of fifteen. Of these the boy was the only one who possessed a single tooth of his own, and his teeth were obviously not going to last long. ...
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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Witness » Thu Aug 11, 2016 12:00 am

Keep some of them:

Image

(But I wonder how you did let it come that far…)

[sentence structure corrected]

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:17 am

The cavity was below the gum line, invisible and untreatable.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Witness » Fri Aug 12, 2016 4:33 am

↑ Ouch! :(

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Doctor X » Fri Aug 12, 2016 7:13 am

Modern English Dentistry:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fQs640Ehfw

What? What?

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Witness » Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:02 am


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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Wed Aug 17, 2016 5:41 pm

This Brit got the teeth he deserved...

Any distinguishing features? Drug user dubbed Dracula whose teeth give him away every time as his memorable mugshots show




Image
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:48 am

Well, I'm sure y'all need t'know how m'teeth's gettin' along.

Y'know?

Monday 23.36 : AC scrans what appears to be a harmless fig roll.

Monday 23.37 : AC determines that said fig roll may not be harmless.

Monday 23.38 : AC thinks "I'm fucking sure figs aren't supposed to be crunchy."

Monday 23.40 AC has been poking his fingers around in his large gob for two minutes, cursing his Muslim dentist.

Monday 23.47 AC recovers failed Islamic filling.

Tuesday 00.16 AC is in pain.

Tuesday 00.30 AC is in lots of fucking pain.

Tuesday 01.00 or something. AC is in lots and lots of fucking pain, to the extent that Mrs. Camel slaps him around the head with her beefy Jamaican fist and tells him to stop whining; she's trying to sleep.

Tuesday 01.00-04.30 AC lies in bed, quivering in pain and fear until Mrs. Camel leaves for work

Tuesday 04.30-05.00 AC writhes in agony for a while, listening to the BBC World Service talking about Nicola Sturgeon and Scottish Independence. It's rather worse than toothache.

Tuesday 08.00 AC calls dentist.

You know what's going to happen, don't you?

Tuesday 8.01

Tuesday 8.02

etc. etc. etc.

Tuesday 11.03 "Brinnington Dental Practice, Carol speaking, how may I help?"

Tuesday 11.03.01 "Hello?"

Tuesday 11.03.05 "Hello?

Tuesday 11.03.05 "Hello?"

AC is by this stage wondering if Death By ed™ might be the preferred solution to his toothache.

Tuesday 12.07 "Brinnington Dental Practice, Carol speaking, how may I help?"

Tuesday 12.07 "Hello Carol, I need to BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Tuesday 12.07 "Fucking BagwotzingthinamiZZZZZZZZ"

Tuesday 12.09 "Brinnington Dental Practice, Carol speaking, how may I help?"

Tuesday 12.10 "Hi, Carol, I need to have a filling replaced, are there any appointments available tomorrow?"

Tuesday 12.10 "Just a second" BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Tuesday 12.15 "Hello? Is that Carol?"

Tuesday 12.15 "Yes, Sorry about that."

Tuesday 12.15 "That's OK. Now, about that filling, do you have any appoinyments available?"

Tuesday 12.16 "Let me see...Errrrrr can you make it tomorrow at half past one?"

Tuesday 12.16 " YES, YES, YES. ANYTHING. ANY TIME. I DON'T CARE WHO I SEE. HOW MUCH IS IT?"

Tuesday 12.17 " I think it's £53.90"

Tuesday 12.17 "£53.90?" "For a filling that takes five minutes?"

Tuesday 12.17 "Yes"

Tuesday 12.17and a bit "OK then."

Wednesday 08.00 Beep Beep Beep "Oh Fuck, I have to go to the dentists at 13.50. That's a bummer."

Wednesday 08.30 Beep Beep Beep. "Shut the fuck up, you stupid iphone."

Wednesday 08.30 AC Scratches bollocks, makes coffee, cooks omelette.

Wednesday 09.00 AC begins to plan his daring expedition to Brinnington.

Wednesday 09.01 AC is back in bed, quivering.

Wednesday 09.03 AC brushes teeth with Mrs. Camel's turbocharged, stainless steel toothbrush, rushes downstairs to make sure the tyres n his electro-fag-o-cycle are pumped up.

Wednesday 09.04 AC takes a valium which he has stolen from his brother-in-law.

Wednesday 09.30 AC is as happy as fuck and toddles off to the supermarket for curry ingedients.

Wednesday 10.00 AC is covered in curry sauce and decides it is time for a change of clothes before his mother comes to visit.

Wednesday 10.30 AC is a nervous wreck, attempting to dress.

Wednesday 10.45 AC's AgedP arrives, while he has one leg in and one leg out of of hopefully dentist friendly pair of jeans.

Wednesday 10.46 AC has retreated to bed, AgedP in hot persuit.

Wednesday 10.47 AgedP "Would you like a lift to the dentist's?"

Wednesday 10.47 AC, having witnessed his mother's driving skills many times, shudders, curls up beneath his duvet, and says "No thanks, Mum, I'll bike it; there's a cycle path. Thanks for the offer."

Wednesday 10.47-12.00 AC's mother has determined that her 51 year old son is incapable of cycling 2 miles to the dentists.

Wednesday 12.01 AC pops another Valium.

Wednesday 12.10 AC suggests to his mother that she might like to do a little ironing and washing up while he pumps up his electro-fag-o-cycle tyres.

Wednesday 12.11 After some thought, this plan is agreed upon and AC makes a hasty exit.

Wednesday 12.30 AC has arrived at the dental practice, an hour early, in the roughest part of town with a very expensive, highly stealable electro-fag-o-cycle.

Wednesday 12.31 AC realises that he has left the dentist's fee at home.

Wednesday 12.32 AC is pedalling like fuck.

Wednesday 12.50 AC is home, has found his money, has declined yet more offers of a lift and is about to get back on his EFOC when the friendly, loquacious postman shows up. AC is doomed.

Wednesday 12.51 Cunning plan. " Hi Bill, have you met my mother?" "Mum, Bill, Bill, Mum, I have to dash."

Wednesday 12.51-13.10 I'm there! But can't get the EFO's lock to work.

Wednesday 13.10-13.20 AC swears at high volume, garnering lascivious looks from horrendously ugly Brinnington ladies, who like that kind of stuff.

Wednesday 13.21 AC has made it! But the dental practice is closed for lunch until 13.30, says a worried looking podiatrist.

Wednesday 13.21-13.29 AC hangs aound looking suspicious and wishing he'd remebered his e-cig.

Wednesday 13.31 The doors are open and AC is admitted to dentistry heaven!

Wednesday 13.31.5 AC is in love!

Wednesday 13.32 A tiny, delightful Chinese dentist, (female, Abdul, you perve), is about to give me....

Well, it was a happy ending.

;)
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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Thu Mar 30, 2017 2:20 am

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Pyrrho » Thu Mar 30, 2017 2:25 am

The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:38 pm

Fuck it. Two of my fillings fell out this morning and I was only eating cheese on toast.

My Islamic dentist hates me.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Doctor X » Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:42 pm

They were ISIS communiques.

You were suppose to deliver them to the newsman on Thursday.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby ed » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:09 pm

asthmatic camel wrote:Well, I'm sure y'all need t'know how m'teeth's gettin' along.

Y'know?

Monday 23.36 : AC scrans what appears to be a harmless fig roll.

Monday 23.37 : AC determines that said fig roll may not be harmless.

Monday 23.38 : AC thinks "I'm fucking sure figs aren't supposed to be crunchy."

Monday 23.40 AC has been poking his fingers around in his large gob for two minutes, cursing his Muslim dentist.

Monday 23.47 AC recovers failed Islamic filling.

Tuesday 00.16 AC is in pain.
Tuesday 00.30 AC is in lots of fucking pain.

Tuesday 01.00 or something. AC is in lots and lots of fucking pain, to the extent that Mrs. Camel slaps him around the head with her beefy Jamaican fist and tells him to stop whining; she's trying to sleep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=20&v=GflERixWj6g


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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Doctor X » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:08 am

Image

USA!USA!USA!

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

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Re: The British Teeth Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:43 am

asthmatic camel wrote:My Islamic dentist hates me.


Naah. You just have English teeth.

Islamic makes sense for a dentist in England, to the degree that Islamic implies foreign.

Because to have an English dentist ... well who would go to a dentist with teeth like that?
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"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale


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