Tales of Heroism

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shemp
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Tales of Heroism

Post by shemp » Sun May 13, 2018 8:12 pm

Today I rescued some beer that was trapped inside several bottles. What tales of heroism have you got?
Last edited by shemp on Sun May 20, 2018 12:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by sparks » Sun May 13, 2018 8:33 pm

Gearing up for a long overdue vacation. I started the day with a Scotch. :wink:

To that end, I'll be incommunicado all next week. Not to worry. [Terminator] I'll be back. [/Terminator] Unless, of course, I get bit by a rattler or fall off a cliff or my heart vapor-locks. :P
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Mentat » Sun May 13, 2018 9:02 pm

I did my part of helping mother earth by making sure a box of cider didn't go to waste.
It's "pea-can", man.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Pyrrho » Sun May 13, 2018 9:33 pm

Ordered Boston Market so my wife didn't have to cook for Mother's Day. I drove 3 miles to pick it up and 3 miles back. Through traffic.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Doctor X » Mon May 14, 2018 3:36 am

I saved a bottle of beer from smashing on the pavement.

It would be wrong to let Old Rasputin die.

I win.

--J.D.
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"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by sparks » Mon May 14, 2018 5:35 am

No alcohol abuse here at SC.

Good.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Witness » Tue May 15, 2018 2:11 am

Got out of bed before noon. Phew! :shock:

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 2:15 am

Sat with Mom watching the Hallmark Channel for 5 hours.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by shemp » Tue May 15, 2018 2:28 am

Pyrrho wrote:Sat with Mom watching the Hallmark Channel for 5 hours.
I said heroism, not martyrdom.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 2:32 am

It's basically one plot. Either it's the girl engaged to the wrong guy or the guy engaged to the wrong girl. Either of them meets a guy or a girl who infuriates them. Hilarity ensues. Fathers are involved. They all have money. Everybody is white. None of the good guys have a decent shave. The girls all wake up in the morning wearing perfect makeup and their hair isn't mussed. They end up "together," happily ever after.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by shemp » Tue May 15, 2018 2:50 am

Been there. I feel for ya kid.
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 10:11 am

...and then...the Disney remake of "The Parent Trap"
:crazy:
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Doctor X » Tue May 15, 2018 10:15 am

We could complain, but, somehow, it does not equal carrying our rancid asses for nine-odd months followed by half-a-day or more of trying to shit a bowling ball whilst I Your Dad either smoked cigarettes outside, or in more enlightened times, suggested she breath.

Nor cleaning up after us multiple times a day whilst pouring formula/breast milk in our ever screaming maws when simply leaving our said rancid asses on a Wind-Swept Crag would have proved much more efficacious.

Did I mention skinned knees?

Or trying to pretend she did not look "under the bed" when cleaning our rooms when we were teens?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!
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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Pyrrho » Tue May 15, 2018 10:16 am

Truth.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Fid » Sat May 19, 2018 8:05 am

Not very funny but is kind of alcohol related. Some years ago I a cashier in a grocery store. A woman comes to the check out with three kids, groceries and a case of wine. (insert Gary Larson cartoon here)

The little boy riding in the shopping cart takes advantage of mom's distraction to stand on the case of wine and dance around 6 ft above the unforgiving concrete floor.

So I grab him under the arms and sit his little ass down on the wine box. Thereby saving him from possibly severe injury due to impact with said unforgiving concrete floor.

My reward...











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Re: Tales of Heroism

Post by Paulie Cicero » Fri May 25, 2018 6:13 pm

Doctor X wrote:We could complain, but, somehow, it does not equal carrying our rancid asses for nine-odd months followed by half-a-day or more of trying to shit a bowling ball whilst I Your Dad either smoked cigarettes outside, or in more enlightened times, suggested she breath.

Nor cleaning up after us multiple times a day whilst pouring formula/breast milk in our ever screaming maws when simply leaving our said rancid asses on a Wind-Swept Crag would have proved much more efficacious.

Did I mention skinned knees?

Or trying to pretend she did not look "under the bed" when cleaning our rooms when we were teens?

--J.D.
Moms will do anything for ya.

Image