AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

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asthmatic camel
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AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Sun Jun 03, 2018 2:11 pm

Women!

FFS!

So, Mrs. Camel's car failed it's MOT. (Government test to ensure a car is roadworthy.)

Mrs. Camel cries.

AC gives her a hug and says "Don't worry, pet, I'll sort it out."

Car is a belter but has failed on bodywork and no welder will touch it.

Fair enough, it's time to buy a new car.

AC has stashed enough cash to purchase a new car and has spent hours on the interwebz finding the car of Mrs. Camel's dreams.

"Mrs. Camel" quoth AC, "We need to buy this car, it's the best deal we could possibly get! Phone them up!"

Mrs. Camel, whom I'm sure you will remember is of Jamaican origin duly 'phones the dealer and says "He sounds Asian." and growls at me.

AC politely points out to Mrs. Camel that there are a few honest Asian chaps around and details all the benefits of said car; low mileage, full service history etc. etc.

"What colour is it?" asks Mrs. Camel.

AC groans and says, "It's a lovely royal blue, not like the silver grey ones you've had which kept letting you down."

Muslim on the end of the 'phone is chortling and AC really wants to meet him.

Mrs. Camel drives us both to Muslim dealership in now illegal car and gives AC completely incorrect details about which car we are about to buy.

"It's a Ford Fiesta, that nice blue one!"

AC wanders around the lot attempting to spot this miracle vehicle and is apprehended be Muslim used-car salesman. "I know, mate; just chill." says he.

AC, having checked the car out for mechanical issues, suggests that Mrs. Camel should take it for a spin on the motorway.

Instant waterworks.

"I'm not going on the motorway, you know I don't like motorways!"

AC "Darling, it's the same motorway you drive on when you go singing in Oldham, just the other way round."

Muslim used-car salesman "How about I take you for a drive Mrs. Camel? I'll get the trade plates."

AC uses sleeves to mop up Mrs. Camel's tears and thanks Allah for sensitive Muslim used-car salesmen.

Sensitive Muslim used-car salesman drives car around the block whilst ensuring Mrs. Camel that it's a lovely shade of blue.

AC happily pays the fair price asked whilst sensitive Muslim used-car salesman engages Mrs. Camel in conversation about the benefits of dieting during Ramadan.

Rock on, Abdul!
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Sun Jun 03, 2018 2:37 pm

It's somehow possible to run a used car lot without offering financing?
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Sun Jun 03, 2018 3:45 pm

Sensitive Muslim used-car salesman looked me in the eye and we connected.

"No fucking bullshit here, mate. Cash?" :)

Image
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Sun Jun 03, 2018 3:59 pm

Not a bigoted Muslim then.

Not with low rate financing. :)
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Sun Jun 03, 2018 5:07 pm

Just like most Muslims around here, decent sorts trying to get by. I don't like their religion, they don't like my atheism but, as a rule, none of us give much of a fuck about it.

A possibly lame attempt to counter the perception that we're all under threat from Islam in Britland. It's not the case. :)
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Rob Lister » Sun Jun 03, 2018 5:14 pm

That's a nice shade of blue. I'm sure it will have very few breakdowns.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby shemp » Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:22 am

Yeah, silver and gray cars are shitbuckets.
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby WildCat » Mon Jun 04, 2018 3:29 am

My blue Jeep was 14 years old but had only 150,000 miles on it. One of the pistons broke free of the crankshaft.

I replaced it with a black one. Blue cars are unreliable.
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Doctor X » Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:19 am

Should have gone to Danny-san:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2t7qNQBthk

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Mon Jun 04, 2018 9:13 am

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Mon Jun 04, 2018 9:36 am

Fucking Hippies. What do they know about cars?
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Doctor X » Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:50 am

asthmatic camel wrote:Fucking Hippies. What do they know about cars?


Image

They know sex.

Dirty, greasy, pungent, patchouli oil-infused, "What? I'm No Longer Fucked Up Who the Fuck are You? ARE YOU THE MAN?!" sex

--J.D.

P.S. There may also be an imperceptible scent of mackerel.
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"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
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"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
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Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby izittrue » Mon Jun 04, 2018 6:10 pm


Ralph Spoilsport.
Will Rogers -
- Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby gnome » Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:17 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:It's somehow possible to run a used car lot without offering financing?


Funny you should say that. I've long been of the opinion that most car dealerships are actually loan dealerships, and sell cars on the side basically. My stepson and I learned how true this is when we went car shopping at a place that literally would not consider a cash offer.
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Grammatron » Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:27 pm

gnome wrote:
Abdul Alhazred wrote:It's somehow possible to run a used car lot without offering financing?


Funny you should say that. I've long been of the opinion that most car dealerships are actually loan dealerships, and sell cars on the side basically. My stepson and I learned how true this is when we went car shopping at a place that literally would not consider a cash offer.


That sounds less than legal.
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Mon Jun 04, 2018 8:07 pm

It's legal, Grammy. Sneaky and dishonourable but legal.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Rob Lister » Mon Jun 04, 2018 8:14 pm

Ditto. At least in virginia.

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Bruce » Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:57 pm

Let's not forget the wheel rims. The quality of the wheel rims has a big impact. We've all seen lots of broken down and abandoned cars on the highway with ugly wheel rims.

There's nothing wrong with driving an illegal car as long as you are on the way to purchase a legal one. I'm sure the police and judge will understand.

Good story, AC. 8)
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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby Witness » Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:12 am

asthmatic camel wrote:AC gives her a hug and says "Don't worry, pet, I'll sort it out."

AC, our resident Perfect Gentleman©! :figamagee:

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Re: AC buys Mrs. Camel a car from a Muslim

Postby asthmatic camel » Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:56 am

Bruce, when I cash in my pension plan Mrs. Camel and I are heading to Rhode Island for a get-together.

I can see it now. You and I sitting in the lounge playing scrabble, feeling embarrassed, trying to engage in small talk while the ladies are in the kitchen, crying with laughter discussing the size of our penises and cooking up fiendish meals containing Asian and Jamaican ultra-hot chillies which will make our anuses explode. :(
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.


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