The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

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The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby asthmatic camel » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:48 am

As part of my general fitness and lard reduction program, it has become my habit to cycle into Manchester every night in the small hours when the roads are clear and I can really let rip; a round trip of about twenty miles. I usually return down Oxford Road and stop at the all-night McDonalds near the University for a coffee and sit outside smoking my pipe and listening to music on my rather lovely mini stereo.

I quite often have the most fascinating conversations with drunks staggering home from the pubs and clubs while I'm sat there, and did particularly well this morning. First, I was approached by a young Asian chap who asked me if I smoked. I normally say "No" because it's people on the cadge, but this guy had a packet of cigs in his hand, so I said "Yes, need a light?" "No," says he "but I only smoke when I go out on a Saturday night and I have these left over. Would you like them?" "Thanks very much!"

Next, I was propositioned by a rather stunning young Spanish student, who told me that she likes older men and that I look good in Lycra. She was undeniably wearing her beer goggles, but still... Of course, being both married and a gentleman I had to regretfully yet gracefully decline her advances.

So, I got home with both a huge ego boost and a free packet of fags. This cycling lark is really starting to grow on me!
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Doctor X » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:51 am

Fag.

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby sparks » Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:59 am

Why the fuck can't something like that happen to me?


Oh, as you were. I don't look good. At all. Just fucking old.
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Doctor X » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:25 am

But if you wore Lycra?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:48 pm

"Dear Penthouse

I never thought this would happen to me but I was on my way home from totally not gay cycling when I stopped at the McDonald's near the university when this stunning Spanish student approached me and..."
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Fid » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:03 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:"Dear Penthouse

I never thought this would happen to me but I was on my way home from totally not gay cycling when I stopped at the McDonald's near the university when this stunning Spanish student approached me and..."


...I was hit by some fucking redneck asshole driving a big honking truck with inflamed balls (really they do that ) hanging off the back. They aren't really useful balls like to hitch a trailer. No they are just decoration probably like the driver.
"Try SCE to AUX."
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:13 pm

Not how those letters usually go, but probably accurate
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:32 pm

asthmatic camel wrote:... cycle into Manchester ...


OK.

What sex act is that slang for? :P
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:42 pm

There's a fun game

List out things that sound like some kind of innuendo but actually aren't

Cycling into Manchester
Frosting the Donut
Shooting Hoops

Etc.
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:45 pm

British slang is like that.

cf. "shirt lifter"

So much more clever than "rump ranger" etc.

Right, AC? :)
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Grammatron » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:59 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:There's a fun game

List out things that sound like some kind of innuendo but actually aren't

Cycling into Manchester
Frosting the Donut
Shooting Hoops

Etc.


a round trip of about twenty miles
pillory wrote:jokes aren't funny....seriously thinking......

seriously thinking might be funny....but it's not joke

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Thu Jul 05, 2018 9:08 pm

Whipping up some batter
Doing your mom's taxes
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby sparks » Fri Jul 06, 2018 12:22 am

Taking the skin boat to tuna town.

No, wait. That's a real one.
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:06 am

Eating a tuna sandwiich
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Doctor X » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:10 am

Launching a missile to Uranus.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby sparks » Fri Jul 06, 2018 2:02 am

Substitute 'hot payload' for 'missile'....

And cue the gay porno theater music.
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Doctor X » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:16 am

Only if Uranus begs for it, sparks. . . .

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby ed » Fri Jul 06, 2018 10:03 am

AA + x = GAY

Where x=
cycling
weight reduction
england
Victorian Novels
etc.
- new minimalist ethos -

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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:08 pm

Bag the "your anus" jokes.

As previously noted elsewhere, the correct official pronunciation is "urine ass".

HTH :)
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Re: The Not At All Gay Cycling Thread

Postby Nyarlathotep » Fri Jul 06, 2018 3:53 pm

Ouranos

Closer to the pronunciation of the mythical titan anyway
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