Why Shopify Sucks

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ed
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Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:12 pm

Shopify is getting the vapors about guns. I sent this to the Shooting Industry News. Easier to cut and paste than to rewrite.

Fuckers.
We have used Shopify for 3+ years and have turned our business into a real thing that requires us to work at it full time. In fact, we gave up gun shows because we really were too exhausted to work 7 days a week.

Early on, our Gateway determined that we were selling items that gave them the vapors so we contacted the NRA to get a recommendation. We use Authorize.net and have had smooth sailing. No drama, we like that.

Shopify had been fine up until yesterday when I received this email:
Hi Ed @,

We have recently amended our Acceptable Use Policy (AUP) to restrict the sale of certain firearms and firearm parts. It appears that your store may be impacted by this change.

Please review your store’s compliance with the revised AUP in order to ensure uninterrupted use of the platform.

Shopify
Now, they just threatened out livelihood there, in case you missed it. Anyway, I went into their AUP to see what was going on. I found this little bomb:
Shopify has the right, but not the obligation, to monitor or investigate any Materials and your use of the Services at any time for compliance with this AUP and the Shopify Terms of Service, or any other agreement between you and Shopify governing your use of the Services (collectively, the “Terms”). Our determination of whether a violation of this AUP has occurred will be final and binding, and any action taken with respect to enforcing this AUP, including taking no action at all, will be at our sole discretion.
Shopify may modify this AUP, including the list of Restricted Items, at any time by posting a revised version at https://www.shopify.com/legal/aup.
Maybe this was there all along, probably was, dunno. But what they are saying is that, like an Oriental despot, they can condemn you and chop off your head (or at least your livelihood) WITH NO RECOURSE and, presumably, NO NOTICE.

I went further to see what would warrant such draconian action.
“Restricted Items” means:

Certain Firearms

an automatic firearm that has not been rendered inoperable

a semi-automatic firearm that has the capacity to accept a detachable magazine, with one or more of the following items:
magazine capable of accepting more than 10 rounds
bump stock
rapid fire trigger activator or trigger crank
barrel shroud
thumbhole stock
threaded barrel capable of accepting a flash suppressor, sound suppressor or silencer
grenade or rocket launcher
flash suppressor, sound suppressor or silencer
pistol grip (or in the case of a pistol, a second pistol grip)
forward pistol grip

a semi-automatic firearm that has a fixed magazine with the capacity to accept more than 10 rounds

firearms without serial numbers

ghost guns and 3D printed guns, including blueprints for such guns

any part, component or kit for any firearm or gun listed above

Certain Firearm Parts

80% or unfinished lower receivers

magazine capable of accepting more than 10 rounds

bump stock

grenade or rocket launcher

pistol grip (or in the case of a pistol, a second pistol grip)

forward pistol grip

barrel shroud*

thumbhole stock*

threaded barrel capable of accepting a flash suppressor, sound suppressor or silencer*

flash suppressor, sound suppressor or silencer*

rapid fire trigger activator or trigger crank

any part, component or kit for a firearm part or including a firearm part listed above

*only if for use with a semi-automatic firearm
This was the last item: "any part, component or kit for a firearm part or including a firearm part listed above"

Screws, nuts, bolts. Everything. At their sole discretion.

Well, you might say, I sell toys so I am good. Not so fast there Buck-O. They also say:

8: Restricted Items: You may not offer goods or services that are, or appear to be, Restricted Items.

"Appear to be" you mean like
Image result for sandwich in shape of gun

Suffice it to say that I am outta there. I am following your advice and talking with the 3Dcart folks who are also fellow Floridians.

Really annoying stuff that I do not need.

Be Well

Ed
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by sparks » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:41 pm

Sorry ed. But you know they're just covering their own butts in weird and scary times. We're proud of you for ... restraining ... yourself. If it had been me, I'd have let fly with any number of expletives that would only have defeated the purpose right from the opening "Greetings you Nazi Fuckers" line.

:)
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:54 pm

I really don't want to belabor this but I am getting more and more pissed off.

I wrote this:
A couple of points: The way the AUP is worded almost any piece of hardware could be construed as "restricted". I would like clarification on that.

Further, what precisely, are we selling that might be objectionable? I have been getting these vaguely threatening emails for a reason. I would like some specifics.

This seems like an authoritarian missive with vague requirements that are designed to cause a person to fail. Your list of things that are restricted are perfectly legal in almost every state. Why are you taking it upon yourself to make a political statement?

Don't get it and don't like it. Then again, you are far beyond the point where any individual matters very much.

Ed
"Tell me how I offend" Right? Read this response:
Hey Ed,

The AUP has a lot of high-level language, but if you click the link in Section 8, you can see a very specific list of items that are restricted. If you are unsure what items might qualify as at item on the list, it is recommended that you seek independent legal counsel, to help you interpret it.

Nathan
WTF??????

I wrote back:
Are you serious? You can't tell me what might get me banned? I need a lawyer? Will you be bound by what the lawyer says? If not and the decision is yours, I think you owe it to me to let me know what you find objectionable in my shop. This is really an abuse of power. There are a series of rules that impact me that you will not tell me.
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:15 pm

Why did you even need them in the first place?
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:43 pm

They provide storefront software.

I am migrating to a better alternative but until then I am basking in my pissedoffedness.
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by shemp » Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:04 am

:violin:

Fuck you, deathmonger.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

In ancient Rome
There was a poem
About a dog
Who found two bones
He picked at one
He licked the other
He went in circles
He dropped dead

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Witness » Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:08 am

I've seen they're Canadian – so perhaps a tad more twitchy about killing machines than real red-blooded Muricans? :P

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by xouper » Sat Aug 18, 2018 4:18 am

shemp wrote:
Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:04 am
:violin:

Fuck you, deathmonger.
Image

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by sparks » Sat Aug 18, 2018 4:27 am

:lmao:
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Sat Aug 18, 2018 10:53 am

shemp wrote:
Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:04 am
:violin:

Fuck you, deathmonger.
At least I monger something. Better than sitting in an alley and pissing onesself. And yelling at clouds and passing cars and gargling balls for coin and the like.

I am better than that. I see a castle on a hill. I see me in it. and I see Shemp, the unloved stooge, using an unsharpened stick, scratching a furrow in the sun baked georgia clay. Putting small stones in the groove and then carefully covering them, hoping that they will grow and produce more stones since that is all he can afford to eat. Yea, he had his moment. He recounts his sad tale around the cold firepit. Though his fellows care only for their next ball gargling, they listen with amused impatience as he explains that once, long ago, he knew a man who went by the name "ed" who was a monger. And he tells of how he eschewed the mongering of death because he had a better, loftier, way to live in this world. He sold aluminum siding. Siding that not only was durable but was attractive too. And had insulating properties as well. He told of his Robert Hall suit and years on the road, eating stones and gargling the occasional ball to keep body and soul together. Then, with a tear in his eye he told of the advent of a substance called "vinyl" and how this devil spawned material slew the aluminum siding industry, and his dreams, in a nonce. The end of his tale is quickly told. A tale of how the social structure, deprived of aluminum, shattered and how the mongers of death, like ed flourished amidst the chaos. And how the aluminum sheathed huts of his trusting customers were reduced to deadly missiles when they were subjected to a rain of death mongering product effluence. Thus the shards slew the inhabitants nigh unto the 6th generation and thus the name "shemp" became synonymous with slaughter and he was reviled among men. And how ed became wealthy and the object of many hosannas for his provision to the masses of the instruments of their safety and the safety of the seed of their loins. A seed, it might be remarked, that shemp was to become only too familar with in his latter, sad, years. And while ed was revered as "protector" so shemp was known anon as "gargler".

The End
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by xouper » Sat Aug 18, 2018 11:32 am

ed wrote:
Sat Aug 18, 2018 10:53 am
shemp wrote:
Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:04 am
:violin:

Fuck you, deathmonger.
At least I monger something. Better than sitting in an alley and pissing onesself. And yelling at clouds and passing cars and gargling balls for coin and the like.

I am better than that. I see a castle on a hill. I see me in it. and I see Shemp, the unloved stooge, using an unsharpened stick, scratching a furrow in the sun baked georgia clay. Putting small stones in the groove and then carefully covering them, hoping that they will grow and produce more stones since that is all he can afford to eat. Yea, he had his moment. He recounts his sad tale around the cold firepit. Though his fellows care only for their next ball gargling, they listen with amused impatience as he explains that once, long ago, he knew a man who went by the name "ed" who was a monger. And he tells of how he eschewed the mongering of death because he had a better, loftier, way to live in this world. He sold aluminum siding. Siding that not only was durable but was attractive too. And had insulating properties as well. He told of his Robert Hall suit and years on the road, eating stones and gargling the occasional ball to keep body and soul together. Then, with a tear in his eye he told of the advent of a substance called "vinyl" and how this devil spawned material slew the aluminum siding industry, and his dreams, in a nonce. The end of his tale is quickly told. A tale of how the social structure, deprived of aluminum, shattered and how the mongers of death, like ed flourished amidst the chaos. And how the aluminum sheathed huts of his trusting customers were reduced to deadly missiles when they were subjected to a rain of death mongering product effluence. Thus the shards slew the inhabitants nigh unto the 6th generation and thus the name "shemp" became synonymous with slaughter and he was reviled among men. And how ed became wealthy and the object of many hosannas for his provision to the masses of the instruments of their safety and the safety of the seed of their loins. A seed, it might be remarked, that shemp was to become only too familar with in his latter, sad, years. And while ed was revered as "protector" so shemp was known anon as "gargler".

The End
I nominate the above for best "Troll Rejoinder" ever.

Ed wins.

Image

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:01 pm

Image
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by ed » Sat Aug 18, 2018 4:10 pm

Image
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by sparks » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:25 pm

Now, c'mon fellas: You're giving Aluminum hell here... :) Personally, I think the Aluminum in my truck engine is doing a hell of a job.

And Teh Shemp will return. With darkened skies, plagues, bad over-priced coffee, streets full of idiots who call themselves citizens and rainbow ponies.



Boy howdy will your ass(es) be cat shit then! :lmao:
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Giz » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:51 pm

Witness wrote:
Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:08 am
I've seen they're Canadian – so perhaps a tad more twitchy about killing machines than real red-blooded Muricans? :P
And why is ed not using MAGA software instead of peacenik Canadian stuff? Sounds like treason to me.

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Giz » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:53 pm

Can we at least call it aluminium? Aluminum sounds like you are gargling already.

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by sparks » Sat Aug 18, 2018 8:57 pm

Because:

https://www.google.com/search?q=Aluminu ... irefox-b-1

Fuck the rest of the world, that's why. Bet you also say 'auxiliary' too, doncha? Limey bastards. :)
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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Witness » Sat Aug 18, 2018 11:17 pm

And it fits right in with Helum, Samarum, Rubidum, Cesum, Sodum, Osmum, Germanum, Iridum and tutti quanti. :twisted:

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by Giz » Sat Aug 18, 2018 11:19 pm

Don’t forget the uranum and plotonum bombs!

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Re: Why Shopify Sucks

Post by sparks » Sat Aug 18, 2018 11:20 pm

Now Witness, just because all the other elements are doing it doesn't mean Aluminum should feel pressured into it as well.
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