Jim Bakker's survival food sucks

Hot topics in delusion and rationalization.
User avatar
Pyrrho
Posts: 24574
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:17 am
Title: Man in Black
Location: Division 6
Has thanked: 2516 times
Been thanked: 2443 times

Jim Bakker's survival food sucks

Postby Pyrrho » Fri Dec 04, 2015 11:32 am

So say the mavens at NPR:

http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/201 ... vival-food

Jim Bakker is back, with a television ministry in Missouri and a wife named Lori. He's also selling food. Among the freeze-dried products available on his website is a 50-day "Survival Food" sampler bucket containing 154 meals. It will cost you $135, but the idea is that you'll be prepared when food shortages hit.

"Imagine — the world is dying and you're having a breakfast for kings," the ad for the the food proclaims.

We got our hands on a version of this bucket, which contains a variety of hearty dishes, including buttermilk pancakes, vegetable chicken soup, creamy stroganoff, black bean burgers, fettucine alfredo and mashed potatoes.

If you're an outdoor aficionado, you're probably familiar with freeze-dried food. That's what this stuff is, except all the packages have an expiration date of 2035. In addition to ample preservatives, each item is either nitrogen flushed or contains oxygen absorbers, reputedly to keep the food fresh.


Rest assured that Jim Bakker is still the hateable kook we all know and despise:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyat ... ainst-him/

According to Bakker, ["a very well-known man of God"] sat next to a self-proclaimed witch on an airplane who told him that her coven was going to “take down” Jim Bakker.

“She said, ‘Right now, all the witches … They’re all agreeing they’re going to destroy the television ministries and we’re starting with Jim Bakker. And we are all praying, praying to destroy him,’” Bakker said.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

User avatar
Abdul Alhazred
Posts: 67959
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:33 pm
Title: Yes, that one.
Location: Chicago
Has thanked: 2398 times
Been thanked: 971 times

Re: Jim Bakker's survival food sucks

Postby Abdul Alhazred » Fri Dec 04, 2015 2:10 pm

So when God rains down fire on the Last Day, you can get through it with freeze dried food?
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 12880
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!
Has thanked: 1464 times
Been thanked: 467 times

Re: Jim Bakker's survival food sucks

Postby sparks » Fri Dec 04, 2015 5:06 pm

Typical huckster shit. "End Times Quick And Easy Banquet Meals" right next to the Tammy Faye makeup kit. Goddamned fucking cunts, one and all.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 65489
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 2960 times
Been thanked: 1892 times

Re: Jim Bakker's survival food sucks

Postby Doctor X » Fri Dec 04, 2015 8:28 pm

One of the Japanese Original Cunts.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel

WS CHAMPIONS X3!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!


Return to “Religion & Philosophy”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CCBot [Bot] and 0 guests