A confessor, quick!

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Witness
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A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Thu Dec 15, 2016 4:51 am

The Telegraph wrote:Need to confess sins? New app in Spain - Confesor GO - finds nearest priest

Catholics seeking to confess their sins to a priest in Spain can now turn to a new app to find the nearest available cleric.

Confesor GO detects a user's location and shows the location of priests around them who are ready to listen to their sins as well as the shortest route to get to him.

It also provides basic information about the priest, including his name, date of birth and the year he was ordained as well as a list of the Ten Commandments.

"The priest may be in a confessional in a church or some place down the street or at a park in your city," reads the description of the app on Apple's iTunes store.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/12 ... s-nearest/

Clearly Apple has the best apps. :mrgreen:

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Anaxagoras » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:07 pm

Can't they just make it so you can send your confessions by instant messages instead of going in person?
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:56 pm

Very un-American. The American way is to confess loudly in public.

Or is that just Protestant? :BigGrin3:
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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by sparks » Fri Dec 16, 2016 2:12 am

Sky Daddy knows and forgives all. Except Wildcat, of course. :)
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Fri Dec 16, 2016 5:03 am

Anaxagoras wrote:Can't they just make it so you can send your confessions by instant messages instead of going in person?
Slippery slope: the logical next step would be to cut out the middleman and let the app directly hand out penance & blessing. Is the Spanish clergy overworked, or do they fear losing their jobs? :mrgreen:

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by sparks » Fri Dec 16, 2016 5:40 pm

"The First Church of the Gooey Death and discount House of Worship in Del Rio Texas! Where this week, you can purchase a 5 dollar blessing pledge for only 3.98 and receive credit with Him for the entire 5 dollars!! And don't forget Billy Sol's trick bible: Not one word of scripture on any page but only He knows and He doesn't mind if you're only foolin' say Hallelujah."
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by the_ignored » Mon Dec 19, 2016 6:02 am

I was so hoping that we were going to find out some horrible secret that Witness needed to get off his chest. Damnit...
>From: enuffenuff@fastmail.fm
(excerpt follows):
>Good luck with that fuckwit. And Reynold, fucking run, and don't stop.
>Disappear would be best as it was you who dared to attack me on my
>illness knowing nothing of the cause. You disgust me and you are top of
>the list boy. Again, no violence. Just regular reminders of who's there
>and visits to see you are behaving. Nothing scary in reality. But I'd
>still disappear if I was you.

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:18 pm

the_ignored wrote:I was so hoping that we were going to find out some horrible secret that Witness needed to get off his chest. Damnit...
Made me LOL! But, sorry to disappoint, my sins are certainly numerous but also terribly commonplace. So… :(

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by the_ignored » Thu Dec 22, 2016 2:40 am

Witness wrote:
the_ignored wrote:I was so hoping that we were going to find out some horrible secret that Witness needed to get off his chest. Damnit...
Made me LOL! But, sorry to disappoint, my sins are certainly numerous but also terribly commonplace. So… :(
Well, it seems that we need a confessor over here more than I thought we did! We SHALL get to the bottom* of this!






*metaphorically speaking. Not your literal bottom, ewwww.....
>From: enuffenuff@fastmail.fm
(excerpt follows):
>Good luck with that fuckwit. And Reynold, fucking run, and don't stop.
>Disappear would be best as it was you who dared to attack me on my
>illness knowing nothing of the cause. You disgust me and you are top of
>the list boy. Again, no violence. Just regular reminders of who's there
>and visits to see you are behaving. Nothing scary in reality. But I'd
>still disappear if I was you.

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:01 am

the_ignored wrote:Well, it seems that we need a confessor over here more than I thought we did!
Indeed!
NSFW:
Image

Clovis Trouille, of course. (Just recently saw an original… :mrgreen: )

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Fri Dec 30, 2016 6:23 am

Progress continues:
Stock News wrote:The application that allows users to light church candles from home was launched

The application was created by two young men from Portugal and is meant for those who want to express their faith even when they do not have time to go to church.

A single push button on your smartphone allows believers to choose the day, the reason they want to lit a candle and place in which an electronic lamp will be lit.

We speak of LED candles, no wax candle, but the initiative of the two young Portuguese is highly regarded in the community.

For 99 cents, candle remains automatically lit for 15 minutes, without the intervention of priests in one of the 14 partner churches in Lisbon, a capital of a country whose population declare themselves 80%, Catholic.

The application is called Candla and has already attracted more than 10.000 subscribers, being launched in August this year.
http://stocknewsusa.com/2016/12/29/appl ... -launched/
(Sorry for the lousy source, but there are lots of equivalent articles from French main papers.)

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:32 am

Using LEDs instead of real candles == they are going to hell on GP for being smart alecs.
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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Sun Jan 01, 2017 6:43 am

Progress marches on: the Godblessyoo [sic] app. Made by Frenchies, so I give you only the manual:

Image

1. Link to your social web;
2. take a pic;
3. select it (apparently it's for dummies);
4. "godblessit" by drawing a cross;
5. your photo is sent to our blessed servers [sic];
6. your photo is blessed/approved by Godblessyoo;
7. share it with the world.

From what I read they have one server, which has effectively been "blessed" by some bishop (whatever that means – chased the devil out of the hard disks?).

Stupid on so many levels I hope it will have the success it deserves. (Sentence I keep ambiguous on purpose.) :mrgreen:

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sun Jan 01, 2017 1:59 pm

"Godbless"?

There's gotta be a way to say it in real French.

Or did they lose that in 1792 or something?
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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Tue Jan 03, 2017 5:13 am

Abdul Alhazred wrote:"Godbless"?

There's gotta be a way to say it in real French.
That anglomania is really pathetic as they have no real command of either language. The only French word sounding like gOD is "gode", which means dildo. And for bless that would be "blesse", imperative of [to] wound. Cute, eh?

An analogous form could be something like "Dieubénisse" (from "[que] Dieu bénisse", [hope] gOD will bless), which is also ridiculous, and of course so much less sophisticated than "Godbless".

Shops have all switched to "sale" for, well, sales instead of the old-fashioned "soldes". So their windows are blaring DIRTY!

They make me :BlowChunks:

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by sparks » Tue Jan 03, 2017 5:19 am

So, dildo wound, then... :shock:

It all becomes clear: Listy, on an airplane. With Carrie Fisher. Sharing a ... blanket. And... another happy ending gone horribly and tragically wrong.
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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Tue Jan 03, 2017 10:20 am

Witness wrote:That anglomania is really pathetic ...
Ergo, we win! :)

Or is it the goddam Brits who win? :evil:
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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Grammatron » Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:10 pm

Witness wrote:
Abdul Alhazred wrote:"Godbless"?

There's gotta be a way to say it in real French.
That anglomania is really pathetic as they have no real command of either language. The only French word sounding like gOD is "gode", which means dildo. And for bless that would be "blesse", imperative of [to] wound. Cute, eh?

An analogous form could be something like "Dieubénisse" (from "[que] Dieu bénisse", [hope] gOD will bless), which is also ridiculous, and of course so much less sophisticated than "Godbless".

Shops have all switched to "sale" for, well, sales instead of the old-fashioned "soldes". So their windows are blaring DIRTY!

They make me :BlowChunks:
Why not compromise and just use Latin so no one wins?

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Witness » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:01 am

Grammatron wrote:Why not compromise and just use Latin so no one wins?
Latin? I'm all for it! (Please note: you quoted me, but the "win" part is Abdul's.)

The Telegraph wrote:Catholic Church’s ‘Sindr’ app for those with an urgent confession

Confession, they say, is good for the soul and, in some cases perhaps, the sooner the better.

Now, for those with a burning need to unburden themselves, one Roman Catholic archdiocese has launched what is thought to be the world’s first interactive GPS-powered “confession finder”.

Using similar technology to the dating hook-up app Tinder, it guides the penitent from their current location within the Archdiocese of St Andrews and Edinburgh to the nearest church offering confession or celebrating mass.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11 ... onfession/

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Archbishop Leo Cushley launching the Catholic App in Rome

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Re: A confessor, quick!

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:44 pm

How about Esperanto? :BigGrin3:
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale