Life Before Computers
An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
And a keyboard was on a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age,
And a CD was a bank account,
And if you had a corrupted disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was what you did to garbage,
Not something you did to a file,
And if you unzipped anything in public,
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire,
A hard drive was a trip on the road,
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to the commode!
Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived,
And a virus was the flu!
The war between wetware and hardware.
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"We ate big things! We ate rocks!"
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
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You had aluminum? We had to use mud and straw.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"