Movies that SHOULD be remade

Drama queens must check their tiaras at the door.
User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47725
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 787 times
Been thanked: 1489 times

Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri May 25, 2018 4:57 am

I know we like to complain about remakes, but I was wondering what movies people think perhaps deserve a remake. Either because the original had the seed of a good movie that got fucked up in execution or even just that you honestly think that a modern update could bring something fresh.

Top of my list is a little piece of cinematic trash called Shockwaves.

Image

It's basically an Aquatic Nazi Zombie movie. I think they had a good idea and had the bones of a decent story. But alas they apparently had the kind of budget that was doubled by the producer chipping in all the spare change in his ashtray and they blew most of the budget they had on about 30 seconds of Peter Cushing in the movie. I think with a real budget and actors who were (with the brief exception of Peter Cushing) not rejects from local community theatre, it could have been a decent horror film instead of the slightly snoozy little film it ended up being.

Any movies anyone else would remake if they could?
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67844
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3468 times
Been thanked: 2193 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Doctor X » Fri May 25, 2018 6:42 am

Tempted to write:
  • Casablanca
    The Godfather
    The Holy Grail
    Jaws
but, yeah. There was a period where horror films were more than "Tits! Disembowel a cheerleader! Tits! Guy Keeps Getting Up! Oh noes!" but the budget and effects sort of just do not hold up so much. Oddly enough, Carpenter wanted the Halloween series to be separate stories--yes, Halloween III was intentional, and it was not that bad. Seriously. Dan O'Herlerlylydekurt and anytime a Little Shit gets his head eaten by bugs is a good thing.

Obviously, Carpenter's The Thing is a great example! The People Behind the Jaws franchise were, naturally, disappointed with the first sequel--I did not know dorsal fins can flap in the breeze--and had the idea to end the franchise as an Airplanesque satire. They wanted:

Jaws 3 Humans 0

Could have been epic. Instead. . . .

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

User avatar
ed
Posts: 33419
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 11:52 pm
Title: Rhino of the Florida swamp
Has thanked: 459 times
Been thanked: 787 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by ed » Fri May 25, 2018 10:15 am

Forbidden Planet
White Heat
the Haunting ... not sure how much it can be improved, some of the dialog sounds off today. The "remake" of some years ago sucked so badly that it will not be mentioned.
Wenn ich Kultur höre, entsichere ich meinen Browning!

User avatar
Rob Lister
Posts: 20014
Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2004 7:15 pm
Title: Incipient toppler
Location: Swimming in Lake Ed
Has thanked: 606 times
Been thanked: 604 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Rob Lister » Fri May 25, 2018 10:21 am

Doctor X wrote:Tempted to write:
  • Casablanca
    The Godfather
    The Holy Grail
    Jaws
Of those only Jaws could be improved upon. Or they could go back in time and NOT make Godfather III.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67844
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3468 times
Been thanked: 2193 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Doctor X » Fri May 25, 2018 10:28 am

I am surprised that I forgot:
  • Birth of a Nation
    Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom
    Song of the South
    Triumph of Will
    Gigli
--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!

User avatar
ed
Posts: 33419
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 11:52 pm
Title: Rhino of the Florida swamp
Has thanked: 459 times
Been thanked: 787 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by ed » Fri May 25, 2018 11:11 am

South Pacific with an all black cast
Wenn ich Kultur höre, entsichere ich meinen Browning!

User avatar
Rob Lister
Posts: 20014
Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2004 7:15 pm
Title: Incipient toppler
Location: Swimming in Lake Ed
Has thanked: 606 times
Been thanked: 604 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Rob Lister » Fri May 25, 2018 11:18 am

1984. Subtitle it parenthetically 2024.
Soylent Green.

*** High Noon ***
Let Clint Eastwood direct it.

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47725
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 787 times
Been thanked: 1489 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri May 25, 2018 3:25 pm

Doctor X wrote: but, yeah. There was a period where horror films were more than "Tits! Disembowel a cheerleader! Tits! Guy Keeps Getting Up! Oh noes!" but the budget and effects sort of just do not hold up so much.
A book I read some time back About how horror movies began to change in the 60s/70s called that "The Monster Problem"

Basically, if you were making a horror film back in the day, you had a conundrum. If you never showed the monster, audiences would feel cheated. But make up and special FX were not really all that good (especially since horror movies tended to be low budget) so the monster usually ended up looking cheesy as hell. The whole gist of that book is how different film makers responded to "The Monster Problem"

Of course, now days you just use CGI, but bad CGI is cheesy too so I guess the problem still exists
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47725
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 787 times
Been thanked: 1489 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri May 25, 2018 3:25 pm

Rob Lister wrote: *** High Noon ***
Let Clint Eastwood direct it.
An Eastwood directed High Noon would be awesome
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47725
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 787 times
Been thanked: 1489 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri May 25, 2018 3:29 pm

A couple of more recent ones.

The Black Dahlia
The Dark Tower


Both were based on incredibly good books. Both made the baffling decision to detour from the source material straight into Shitsville. Both of them I would like to see adaptations that didn't suck and would be willing to watch if they tried again
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Grammatron
Posts: 33643
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:21 am
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Been thanked: 1760 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Grammatron » Fri May 25, 2018 5:14 pm

I think that The Dark Tower could be great but the budget requirements to make it so might not be worth it.

User avatar
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 47725
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm
Has thanked: 787 times
Been thanked: 1489 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri May 25, 2018 5:43 pm

Dark Tower would work best as a series, ala Game of Thrones I think
Bango Skank Awaits The Crimson King!

User avatar
Grammatron
Posts: 33643
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:21 am
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Been thanked: 1760 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Grammatron » Fri May 25, 2018 6:19 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote:Dark Tower would work best as a series, ala Game of Thrones I think
I agree. I think an even better comparison would be West World since it covers a lot of time and space.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 67844
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom
Has thanked: 3468 times
Been thanked: 2193 times

Re: Movies that SHOULD be remade

Post by Doctor X » Sat May 26, 2018 9:57 am

Nyarlathotep wrote:A book I read some time back About how horror movies began to change in the 60s/70s called that "The Monster Problem"
Funny, both Ridley Scott and Carpenter discussed the problem of "A Man in a Suit." Alien tried to avoid it, but, eventually, it had to have "A Man in a Suit." In his commentary to The Thing, Carpenter discusses with Kurt Russel how he tried very hard to avoid that happening. He dumped a bunch of expensive, detailed, but ultimately FAIL stop-motion--what people did before CGI--because it simply looked stupid. Whatever Ray Harryahasuernderkurt, your stop motion always looked like shit. You know it, and we know it.

Sad reality, no matter how many weeks you spend on just getting the basics of stop motion--like the painting of tiny barrels to match the actual oil drums--it STILL LOOKS FAKE! One of the reasons Carpenter liked Burt Lancaster's Son's script was it could avoid the "Man in a Suit."

Anyways, I was surprised at how bad they adapted Black Dahlia. The only thing interesting was the movie poster. It is, as you know, a fascinating case. Turning fascinating into drek is an achievement I guess.

Heh, with the "Man in the Suit," I am reminded of Kentucky Fried Movie where Howard Da Silva's "Bullshit or Not" claims that Jack the Ripper was the Loch Ness Monster . . . in a suit!

Image

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X5!!!!!