## A Home For Bruce

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grayman
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am
Location: A little further north.

### A Home For Bruce

For sale: Historic waterfront property with a spectacular, 50-foot-high view of Lake Michigan. Featuring solid, century-old cast-iron construction, painted distinctive red. Comes with its own Fresnel lens for signaling ships...

...As of Sunday afternoon, after several bids early Saturday, the Kenosha lighthouse price was at $13,000, while the one at Conneaut Harbor had received one bid for$5,000.
Imagine having one located on its own island with yourself the sole occupant.

Here's one that's not for sale. Just posting it 'cause it's in Nebraska:

You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt

Cogito, ergo Deus non est.
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Organizations interested in acquiring one of the lighthouses need to submit a letter expressing interest in the property and complete a rigorous application process.
This tells me that the GSA wants to make absolutely certain that you have a huge boner for lighthouses and intend to take good care of these important historical monuments, but......in the next sentence.......
If no suitable steward is identified, the lighthouses will be auctioned to the general public.
In otherwords, if no one comes forward with a boner for lighthouses, they go to the highest bidder, or fuck, you can just have it for free.

One day, just to get out of house for a while, I took the historial lighthouse tour in NewPort bay. It's basically a Ferry that takes you near each of the 30 historical lighthouses (or remnants thereof) in the bay. Most are faithfully maintained. Some have been converted to personal houses and barely resemble their former lighthousiness.

One lighthouse is nothing more than a rock with some bits of rubble and metal about a mile off the coast. It was completely destroyed by a giant wave in the early 1900's. It's sole occupant was in the lighthouse at the time and died.

So yeah. Living on an island by myself in a cozy little lighthouse sounds spiffy, until a nice wave comes along. I'm a lousy swimmer and I dislike drowning.

The lighthouse in Nebraska looks nice, but there are people in Nebraska.
Such potential!
gnome
Posts: 25687
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 12:40 am
Location: New Port Richey, FL

### Re: A Home For Bruce

But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Lighthouse gummies are awesome.

......what?
Such potential!
Cool Hand
Posts: 10000
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 4:09 pm
Location: Earning my avatar in the rain

### Re: A Home For Bruce

gnome wrote:But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
Especially all those huge ships in Nebraska!

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
En folkefiende
Posts: 17511
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 4:38 am
Location: Waiting for an electrician

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Cool Hand wrote:
gnome wrote:But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
Especially all those huge ships in Nebraska!

CH
The ones next to Carhenge, you mean?

http://www.carhenge.com/
Formerly jj, the enemy of the people, aka the bullies who rant and lie here.
Anaxagoras
Posts: 29253
Joined: Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:45 am
Location: Yokohama/Tokyo, Japan

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Bruce wrote:Lighthouse gummies are awesome.

......what?
I'm certainly in awe.
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

I have considered Spitsbergen, though it's a bit crowded for my taste, and I don't speak Nordic:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spitsbergen

It holds the Svalbard Global Seed Vault which just opened up three years ago. If there is ever a global disaster, such as spontaneous combustion of Global Warming believers, then the scattered remnants of humanity will want to head for Svalbard.

I'm considering a donation of Corn Nut seeds, just in case.

No lighthouses on Svalbard that I'm aware of.
Such potential!
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

It's like they have everything BUT Corn Nut seeds.
Such potential!
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there?
Such potential!
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Then there's Tristan da Cunha

Nice place, except that Christians live there.

Therefore, I would probably be that weird guy who lives way over there on the South side of the island, just down the road.

Aw, damn. They already have one of those.
Such potential!
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

My only fear about moving to an un-inhabited remote island is that Rob Lister may one day drop a barrel of nuclear waste on my house.
Such potential!
Nyarlathotep
Posts: 49647
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm

### Re: A Home For Bruce

This thread is disappointing, I thought it was a discussion of putting Bruce into a home.
grayman
Posts: 5773
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am
Location: A little further north.

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Nyarlathotep wrote:This thread is disappointing, I thought it was a discussion of putting Bruce into a home.
Give it time.
You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt

Cogito, ergo Deus non est.
Cool Hand
Posts: 10000
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 4:09 pm
Location: Earning my avatar in the rain

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Bruce wrote:

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there?
You do realize that Christians live on Pitcairn too, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fletcher_Christian

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Cool Hand wrote:
Bruce wrote:

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there?
You do realize that Christians live on Pitcairn too, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fletcher_Christian

CH
How did Christians manage to ruin every remote corner of the planet.
Such potential!
Bruce
Posts: 20640
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

### Re: A Home For Bruce

For the record, I have no plans to move to Utoeya island, or any other island near Norway for that matter.

Anyone know of any remote islands that haven't been soiled with the blood of Christians, Muslims, or victims thereof?
Such potential!
Bearguin
Posts: 8094
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 12:26 am
Title: Thankless Bastard!
Location: Get off my fucking lawn

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Pretty sure there are some islands off Vancouver island that haven't been.

They've been overrun by the greenies, hippys, and other left wing wackos.
DrMatt
BANNED
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm
Location: Location: Location!

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Bruce wrote:

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there?
Looks like it's ready to slide down the hill.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.
Cool Hand
Posts: 10000
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 4:09 pm
Location: Earning my avatar in the rain

### Re: A Home For Bruce

DrMatt wrote:
Bruce wrote:

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there?
Looks like it's ready to slide down the hill.
Oh no, not the slippery slope argument.

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
grayman
Posts: 5773
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am
Location: A little further north.

Not an island, but for less than $800,000, you can buy the entire town of Scenic, South Dakota located east of the Black Hills and just norh of the Badlands. You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt Cogito, ergo Deus non est. Nyarlathotep Posts: 49647 Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 2:50 pm ### Re: A Home For Bruce Bruce wrote:For the record, I have no plans to move to Utoeya island, or any other island near Norway for that matter. Anyone know of any remote islands that haven't been soiled with the blood of Christians, Muslims, or victims thereof? An unihabited island with restricted access in a lake in the middle of the desert, where no one expects an island to be. What more could you ask? Not scenic in the least, but fits your criteria anyway. You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post. Bruce Posts: 20640 Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm Title: Bruce of all Bruces Location: Massachusetts ### Re: A Home For Bruce Nyarlathotep wrote:An unihabited island with restricted access in a lake in the middle of the desert, where no one expects an island to be. What more could you ask? Not scenic in the least, but fits your criteria anyway. Thanks. You have no idea how hard it is to find a good location for a diabolical evil secret lair. They don't just build themselves you know. The island is home to the Anaho Island National Wildlife Refuge, which protects a colony of American White Pelicans, one of the two largest pelican colonies in the western United States. It is uninhabited by humans. Access to the island is highly restricted—no boats are allowed within 500 feet (150 m) of the shores. Anaho Island is a little more than a mile long from north to south and also from east to west at its widest point, and covers 634.43 acres (2.567 km²). Seems easy enough to conquer....just take out some hostile birds and some animal loving hippies. No boats allowed within 500 feet, and yet it's not inhabited by humans. What a joke. I'll bet they don't even have armed security guards or cameras. Animal loving hippies have some nerve. The hard part will be building the fortress itself. Anyone know a good contractor who can build a secret diabolical evil lair in the Nevada area? Preferrably one that can build such lair without drawing attention to the blasting or heavy construction equipment? Such potential! Cool Hand Posts: 10000 Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2004 4:09 pm Location: Earning my avatar in the rain ### Re: A Home For Bruce Bruce wrote: Seems easy enough to conquer....just take out some hostile birds... No, no, no. Just think of how you could harness those birds to do your bidding. I mean, they're pelicans. Explosive laden Pelicans of Death! Think of the capacity of those huge mouths and throats (and bellies) to carry Semtex and C-4 and remote controlled detonation caps. They will naturally defend your highly-defensible enclave of an island from any intruders. Keep 'em. I like the impenetrable nature of that island. It's perfect for a lair of evil and world domination. You just need to build a Laser of Doom and a Device to Block Out the Sun. CH ....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13 And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. "Time" -- Pink Floyd grayman Posts: 5773 Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am Location: A little further north. ### Re: A Home For Bruce How about an evil lair on the shores of Lake Erie? They'd never expect that. Eccentric Home on the Shores of Lake Erie You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt Cogito, ergo Deus non est. DrMatt BANNED Posts: 29811 Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm Location: Location: Location! ### Re: A Home For Bruce Watch out for roving weather balloons. Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense. Bruce Posts: 20640 Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm Title: Bruce of all Bruces Location: Massachusetts ### Re: A Home For Bruce No and no. I'm going for paranoid evil hermit, not eccentric billionaire. Don't confuse the two. Such potential! gnome Posts: 25687 Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 12:40 am Location: New Port Richey, FL ### Re: A Home For Bruce That isn't an evil lair, too enviro-weenie. Captain Ecology lives there. I kind of like it. "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!" --Soldier, TF2 Bruce Posts: 20640 Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm Title: Bruce of all Bruces Location: Massachusetts ### Re: A Home For Bruce gnome wrote:That isn't an evil lair, too enviro-weenie. Agreed. Needs more fire and brimstone. It not an evil lair if there's no fountain of lava. Such potential! DrMatt BANNED Posts: 29811 Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm Location: Location: Location! ### Re: A Home For Bruce Bruce wrote:No and no. I'm going for paranoid evil hermit, not eccentric billionaire. Don't confuse the two. I'm not confusing the 2, No.6. Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense. asthmatic camel Posts: 19922 Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 1:53 pm Title: Forum commie nun. Location: Stirring the porridge with my spurtle. ### Re: A Home For Bruce Bruce wouldn't be able to get his big, fat ass through a lighthouse door, let alone walk up the stairs! Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck. grayman Posts: 5773 Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am Location: A little further north. ### Re: A Home For Bruce Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt Cogito, ergo Deus non est. Bruce Posts: 20640 Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm Title: Bruce of all Bruces Location: Massachusetts ### Re: A Home For Bruce grayman wrote:Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano Howser listed the property in September 2009, at which point Curbed LA described it as a "secret hideout where you watch your dastardly plans unfold on flat screens and cackle at your minions." Still lingering on the market for its initial ask of$750K, the two-bedroom, two-bathroom main house features a dome formed from concrete and bent-fir beams and grounded by glass walls; inside, a conversation pit keeps things centered around a fireplace.
Pthff.

Doesn't even have a working nuclear reactor.
Such potential!
DrMatt
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### Re: A Home For Bruce

Who needs a nuc when you can power your everything on volcano-heated steam?
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.
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### Re: A Home For Bruce

A little fixer-upper off the beaten path in Alaska. I think it's down by a river.

Home, sweet home.
Nineteen tequilas later, we had a deal.
You are my density. (G. McFly)
As my daddy always said, always check the fine print for penectomies. (punchdrunk)
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Vorticity
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### Re: A Home For Bruce

grayman wrote:Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano

There's also a one-bedroom guest house, a lake, 60 acres of untarnished land, a three-car carport, a rooftop observation deck on top of that dome (360-degree views of the desert, anyone?) and, of course, the best part: brokerbabble that references a "stark, strong almost lunar landscape."

Amateur astronomers, take note.
"Don't screw with my disco, Nadine!"
pillory
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### Re: A Home For Bruce

Pillory-deletable stuff since Sat Jun 05, 2004 6:15 pm
En folkefiende
Posts: 17511
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Location: Waiting for an electrician

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Here y'go, Bruce, you can hide and stay in the same house.

Formerly jj, the enemy of the people, aka the bullies who rant and lie here.
asthmatic camel
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### Re: A Home For Bruce

Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
asthmatic camel
Posts: 19922
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 1:53 pm
Title: Forum commie nun.
Location: Stirring the porridge with my spurtle.

### Re: A Home For Bruce

Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.