A Home For Bruce

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grayman
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A Home For Bruce

Post by grayman »

GSA is offering lighthouses for sale, some for free.
For sale: Historic waterfront property with a spectacular, 50-foot-high view of Lake Michigan. Featuring solid, century-old cast-iron construction, painted distinctive red. Comes with its own Fresnel lens for signaling ships...

...As of Sunday afternoon, after several bids early Saturday, the Kenosha lighthouse price was at $13,000, while the one at Conneaut Harbor had received one bid for $5,000.
Imagine having one located on its own island with yourself the sole occupant.

Here's one that's not for sale. Just posting it 'cause it's in Nebraska:

Image
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Bruce
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Organizations interested in acquiring one of the lighthouses need to submit a letter expressing interest in the property and complete a rigorous application process.
This tells me that the GSA wants to make absolutely certain that you have a huge boner for lighthouses and intend to take good care of these important historical monuments, but......in the next sentence.......
If no suitable steward is identified, the lighthouses will be auctioned to the general public.
In otherwords, if no one comes forward with a boner for lighthouses, they go to the highest bidder, or fuck, you can just have it for free.

One day, just to get out of house for a while, I took the historial lighthouse tour in NewPort bay. It's basically a Ferry that takes you near each of the 30 historical lighthouses (or remnants thereof) in the bay. Most are faithfully maintained. Some have been converted to personal houses and barely resemble their former lighthousiness.

One lighthouse is nothing more than a rock with some bits of rubble and metal about a mile off the coast. It was completely destroyed by a giant wave in the early 1900's. It's sole occupant was in the lighthouse at the time and died.

So yeah. Living on an island by myself in a cozy little lighthouse sounds spiffy, until a nice wave comes along. I'm a lousy swimmer and I dislike drowning.

The lighthouse in Nebraska looks nice, but there are people in Nebraska. :(
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by gnome »

But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Bruce
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Lighthouse gummies are awesome.

Image

......what? :|
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Cool Hand »

gnome wrote:But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
Especially all those huge ships in Nebraska!

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by En folkefiende »

Cool Hand wrote:
gnome wrote:But think of the fun you could have misdirecting ships and boats, or shining a bright light into the windows of neighbors that annoy you!
Especially all those huge ships in Nebraska!

CH
The ones next to Carhenge, you mean?

http://www.carhenge.com/
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Anaxagoras »

Bruce wrote:Lighthouse gummies are awesome.

Image

......what? :|
I'm certainly in awe. :weirdeyes:
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

I have considered Spitsbergen, though it's a bit crowded for my taste, and I don't speak Nordic:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spitsbergen

It holds the Svalbard Global Seed Vault which just opened up three years ago. If there is ever a global disaster, such as spontaneous combustion of Global Warming believers, then the scattered remnants of humanity will want to head for Svalbard.

I'm considering a donation of Corn Nut seeds, just in case.

No lighthouses on Svalbard that I'm aware of. :(
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Image

It's like they have everything BUT Corn Nut seeds. :x
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Image

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/326371?s ... google.com

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there? :)
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Then there's Tristan da Cunha
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/1723487? ... google.com

Nice place, except that Christians live there.
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/51306405 ... google.com

Therefore, I would probably be that weird guy who lives way over there on the South side of the island, just down the road.

Aw, damn. They already have one of those. :x
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/51306258 ... google.com
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

My only fear about moving to an un-inhabited remote island is that Rob Lister may one day drop a barrel of nuclear waste on my house. :(
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Nyarlathotep »

This thread is disappointing, I thought it was a discussion of putting Bruce into a home.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by grayman »

Nyarlathotep wrote:This thread is disappointing, I thought it was a discussion of putting Bruce into a home.
Give it time.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Cool Hand »

Bruce wrote:Image

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/326371?s ... google.com

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there? :)
You do realize that Christians live on Pitcairn too, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fletcher_Christian

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Cool Hand wrote:
Bruce wrote:Image

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/326371?s ... google.com

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there? :)
You do realize that Christians live on Pitcairn too, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fletcher_Christian

CH
How did Christians manage to ruin every remote corner of the planet. :poutpout:
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

For the record, I have no plans to move to Utoeya island, or any other island near Norway for that matter. :(

Anyone know of any remote islands that haven't been soiled with the blood of Christians, Muslims, or victims thereof?
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bearguin »

Pretty sure there are some islands off Vancouver island that haven't been.

They've been overrun by the greenies, hippys, and other left wing wackos.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by DrMatt »

Bruce wrote:Image

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/326371?s ... google.com

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there? :)
Looks like it's ready to slide down the hill.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Cool Hand »

DrMatt wrote:
Bruce wrote:Image

Seems like a nice school to put my kids in. According to this website, there are currently 6 students enrolled, ages 5 to 12. Perfect!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/326371?s ... google.com

It's a nice little out-of-the way place called Pitcairn.

I wonder what kind of Wi-Fi they get out there? :)
Looks like it's ready to slide down the hill.
Oh no, not the slippery slope argument.

:roll:

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by grayman »

Not an island, but for less than $800,000, you can buy the entire town of Scenic, South Dakota located east of the Black Hills and just norh of the Badlands.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Nyarlathotep »

Bruce wrote:For the record, I have no plans to move to Utoeya island, or any other island near Norway for that matter. :(

Anyone know of any remote islands that haven't been soiled with the blood of Christians, Muslims, or victims thereof?
An unihabited island with restricted access in a lake in the middle of the desert, where no one expects an island to be. What more could you ask? Not scenic in the least, but fits your criteria anyway.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

Nyarlathotep wrote:An unihabited island with restricted access in a lake in the middle of the desert, where no one expects an island to be. What more could you ask? Not scenic in the least, but fits your criteria anyway.
Thanks.

You have no idea how hard it is to find a good location for a diabolical evil secret lair. They don't just build themselves you know.
The island is home to the Anaho Island National Wildlife Refuge, which protects a colony of American White Pelicans, one of the two largest pelican colonies in the western United States. It is uninhabited by humans.
Access to the island is highly restricted—no boats are allowed within 500 feet (150 m) of the shores. Anaho Island is a little more than a mile long from north to south and also from east to west at its widest point, and covers 634.43 acres (2.567 km²).
Seems easy enough to conquer....just take out some hostile birds and some animal loving hippies. No boats allowed within 500 feet, and yet it's not inhabited by humans. What a joke. I'll bet they don't even have armed security guards or cameras. Animal loving hippies have some nerve.

The hard part will be building the fortress itself. Anyone know a good contractor who can build a secret diabolical evil lair in the Nevada area? Preferrably one that can build such lair without drawing attention to the blasting or heavy construction equipment?
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Cool Hand »

Bruce wrote:
Seems easy enough to conquer....just take out some hostile birds...
No, no, no. Just think of how you could harness those birds to do your bidding. I mean, they're pelicans. Explosive laden Pelicans of Death! Think of the capacity of those huge mouths and throats (and bellies) to carry Semtex and C-4 and remote controlled detonation caps. They will naturally defend your highly-defensible enclave of an island from any intruders. Keep 'em.

I like the impenetrable nature of that island. It's perfect for a lair of evil and world domination. You just need to build a Laser of Doom and a Device to Block Out the Sun.

CH
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by grayman »

How about an evil lair on the shores of Lake Erie? They'd never expect that.

Image

Eccentric Home on the Shores of Lake Erie
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by DrMatt »

Image

Image

Watch out for roving weather balloons.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

No and no.

I'm going for paranoid evil hermit, not eccentric billionaire.

Don't confuse the two. :wink:
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by gnome »

That isn't an evil lair, too enviro-weenie.

Captain Ecology lives there.

I kind of like it.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

gnome wrote:That isn't an evil lair, too enviro-weenie.
Agreed.

Needs more fire and brimstone.

It not an evil lair if there's no fountain of lava.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by DrMatt »

Bruce wrote:No and no.

I'm going for paranoid evil hermit, not eccentric billionaire.

Don't confuse the two. :wink:
I'm not confusing the 2, No.6.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by asthmatic camel »

Bruce wouldn't be able to get his big, fat ass through a lighthouse door, let alone walk up the stairs!
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by grayman »

Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano

Image
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Bruce »

grayman wrote:Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano

Image
Howser listed the property in September 2009, at which point Curbed LA described it as a "secret hideout where you watch your dastardly plans unfold on flat screens and cackle at your minions."

Still lingering on the market for its initial ask of $750K, the two-bedroom, two-bathroom main house features a dome formed from concrete and bent-fir beams and grounded by glass walls; inside, a conversation pit keeps things centered around a fireplace.
Pthff.

Doesn't even have a working nuclear reactor. :roll:
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by DrMatt »

Who needs a nuc when you can power your everything on volcano-heated steam?
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Badger »

A little fixer-upper off the beaten path in Alaska. I think it's down by a river.

Home, sweet home.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by Vorticity »

grayman wrote:Has potential to be an evil genius's lair: The Home at the Top of a Volcano

Image
There's also a one-bedroom guest house, a lake, 60 acres of untarnished land, a three-car carport, a rooftop observation deck on top of that dome (360-degree views of the desert, anyone?) and, of course, the best part: brokerbabble that references a "stark, strong almost lunar landscape."

Amateur astronomers, take note.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by pillory »

Pillory-deletable stuff since Sat Jun 05, 2004 6:15 pm
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by En folkefiende »

Here y'go, Bruce, you can hide and stay in the same house.

Image
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by asthmatic camel »

Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: A Home For Bruce

Post by asthmatic camel »

Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.