Aging shit or medical condition?

[Bruce]

Why ask your doctor or google it when you can consult the experts here at SC? :D

There are so many weird things happening to my body all at once that I've lost count. Some are obviously aging, but several are just odd. Let's see what our SC experts have to say.

1) A crack has been developing down the center of my tongue. It doesn't bleed and it isn't sore, but it's deep and noticeable enough to be a concern. Noticed it about 6 months ago.

2) I get a terrible headache as I'm getting ready for bed. Sometimes it goes away before I fall asleep. Sometimes it lasts all night long then goes away as I'm getting up and around. Started a couple months ago.

3) Freckles and liver spots, but only on the backs of both hands. Nowhere else. Started around 4 months ago.

4) Eyes totally giving up around 4pm every day. Everything a blurry mess, even with glasses, then back to normal in the morning.

5) One toenail or one fingernail will suddenly grow 2 or 3 times faster than all the others for a few months, then go back to normal. Same with individual hairs or patches of hair throughout my body.

I expect at least one diagnosis for each, and if none of them are a sure sign that I'm in for a painful death, I shall be most disappointed.

[Hotarubi]

You have the gay .

Yes you will die

[Doctor X]

2) I get a terrible headache as I'm getting ready for bed. Sometimes it goes away before I fall asleep. Sometimes it lasts all night long then goes away as I'm getting up and around. Started a couple months ago.

4) Eyes totally giving up around 4pm every day. Everything a blurry mess, even with glasses, then back to normal in the morning.

Classic signs and symptoms of a brain tumor.

Or the gay.

Would recommend consultation with a physician to rule out the latter.

As always, the Internets is the worst place for medical, legal, financial, political, and philosophical advice.

– J.D.

[robinson]

Why ask your doctor or google it when you can consult the experts here at SC? :D

Well, if somebody here actually knows what is wrong with you, it would be a one in a billion chance,

[Bruce]

Not the gay! :POMG:

Oh, I knew I should have worn a mask during that Backstreet Boys reunion concert.

So what's the antidote for the gay? Does it come in the form of a lotion or topical cream?

[Ben Trovado]

Not the gay! :POMG:

Oh, I knew I should have worn a mask during that Backstreet Boys reunion concert.

So what's the antidote for the gay? Does it come in the form of a lotion or topical cream?

Exactly the opposite, actually.

[Hotarubi]

So what's the antidote for the gay?

Prayer. Obviously.

[Hotarubi]

And don't listen to Kitteh about anything medical. Problems there.

[Pyrrho]

Mayo Clinic:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... q-20057919

If you have nighttime headaches or headaches that awaken you from sleep, see your doctor for an accurate diagnosis.

[robinson]

1) A crack has been developing down the center of my tongue. It doesn't bleed and it isn't sore, but it's deep and noticeable enough to be a concern. Noticed it about 6 months ago.

It's a B12 deficiency. Also add some B complex, zinc and iron to your diet. Otherwise you will die soon.


2) I get a terrible headache as I'm getting ready for bed. Sometimes it goes away before I fall asleep. Sometimes it lasts all night long then goes away as I'm getting up and around. Started a couple months ago.

A sure sign of impending death. No treatment is possible,

3) Freckles and liver spots, but only on the backs of both hands. Nowhere else. Started around 4 months ago.

Usual old age symptom, but with your other conditions don't worry about it, you will be dead soon.

4) Eyes totally giving up around 4pm every day. Everything a blurry mess, even with glasses, then back to normal in the morning.

Brain tumor, death is coming.

5) One toenail or one fingernail will suddenly grow 2 or 3 times faster than all the others for a few months, then go back to normal. Same with individual hairs or patches of hair throughout my body.

Side effect of brain tumor.

[robinson]

The good news is you won't suffer most old age problems. Because you will be dead long before that time.

[Pyrrho]

[asthmatic camel]

All your symptoms are caused by lack of rum.

And terminal gheyness.

And the lack of an ass. (That always leads to an early grave: ask a chiropractor.)

https://i.imgur.com/eGFjdMo.png

[shemp]

Don't listen to any of them. It's lupus.

[Doctor X]

https://www.rookout.com/wp-content/uplo ... snever.gif

– J.D.

[Bruce]

The good news is you won't suffer most old age problems. Because you will be dead long before that time.

That's exactly the diagnosis I've been wanting to hear, ever since entering the workforce, getting married, having kids, mortgage, student loans, layoffs, and daily corporate grind that somehow keeps getting worse every single day, even when it seems like it can't possibly get any worse.

I'm not suicidal, but it's really hard to believe that after 47 years if this bullshit that anything good is going to happen if I hold out for another 47 years. My dick still works, my kids are mostly grown, and I'm at the peak of my career, so as shitty as things have been, I have nothing left to gain and everything to lose.

So, yeah. Brain tumor? Awesome? Active shooter? Where? Let me talk to him. Suspicious package that might be a bomb? Let me take a peep to be sure. I'm not afraid of death anymore.

[sparks]

You and me both my friend.

You and me both.

Spent my entire (Mostly adult) life doing what I do. 48 fucking years and some change.

And fuck it. Just fuck it. Not only do I not find it interesting and enjoyable anymore, it's positively boring. And the people? Fucking idiots every last one of the motherfucking kids. They don't know shit. "I've never done a hard boot before....(while drooling)."

Fuck me. Running up hill both ways in the snow and ice without shoes etc, etc.

Afraid of death? No. But I do need to take care of my kittehs first by finding them a good place to be. I think I can do this.

[Doctor X]

Upgrade your stereos.

– J.D.

[asthmatic camel]

I'm 57 this year and have wasted much of my life thoroughly enjoying myself and a fair deal of it thoroughly not enjoying myself.

University? Fuck that shit: despite having an IQ of 152, I wanted some money, fast cars and stuff. Got a job in banking at 16, qualified at night school by 21, bored out of my tiny mind by 28, went to manage a pub. Learned catering, earned a shit-load of money, spent it all and became an alcoholic. Met my wife, who sang in a band that played at the pub. She hated the pub game, so I bailed out, dried out and worked for a builder friend for a few years, went back to night school and learned construction joinery. Got bored again. Builder friend also became a massive alcoholic and my Little Bro. and partner were looking for a man for their gardening/landscaping business so hey, what the fuck, gave it a go. Back to night school studying horticulture and actually enjoyed it, (apart from the British climate.)

Then Mrs. Camel became pregnant. Woohoo! Fucking Ace! I'm going to be a family man, a whole new chapter! Mrs. Camel and I would be able to pass on our massive intelligence genes and talents to a new little being!

Wrong. Incorrect. God decided to hate us. (Mrs. Camel just spotted this and insists that God hates me, not her.)

Camel junioress was born prematurely at 24 weeks, just old enough to survive. Possibly. Three months later, I watched the poor little creature die in my wife's arms, following endless arguments with doctors who apparently knew a good deal less about doctoring than I.

This, as you might imagine, fucked us up somewhat.

I had a massive breakdown, returned to being an alcoholic, suffered a few seizures, surrendered my driving licence voluntarily, meaning I couldn't work and Mrs. Camel went on a spending spree with tons of money she didn't have. Credit cards, casinos, catalogues, internet bargains, you name it. By the time I found out, we were well and truly up shit creek.

How did we survive and not end up on the streets? Mrs. Camel took a second job, cleaning, starting at 4AM, finishing at 7AM before going to proper work.

I was fucked. Apart from being a mental case, years of heavy manual labour had knackered my back, (a prolapsed lumbar disc for Doctor X), so what was I to do? Well, having a background in finance, I'd taken out an income assurance policy when I left the bank which paid me a measly £700 a month. State benefits added £280 a month. All Mrs. Camel's earnings went to repaying her debt mountain.

Ever lived on beans and sardines for twenty-two years? It's not amusing.

Twenty-two years later, having used my financial wizardry to turn such savings and pension contributions I had into a fairly substantial sum, we are now mortgage and debt free.

And I, apart from my obsession with bicycles, am too old to enjoy our financial security. Books? I've read thousands and there are only so many stories. Art? I'm a talented artist but painting is shit-boring. Music? I can play the shit out of harmonicas but that's shit-boring, too after forty years. Karate? Too old. Lacrosse? Way too old. Holidays? Same old shit, different place but too hot/cold. And people don't speak a proper language.

Bruce, when the time comes, will you join me at Dignitas? (I'll bring lots of illegal drugs, duty free vodka and a few grand for hookers, so we can enjoy our final days together.)

[Bruce]

Wow, that's quite a life summary, AC. Thank you for sharing it. You too, Sparks.

Sadly, neither alcohol nor sex bring me any enjoyment anymore. Alcohol just makes me sleepy and sex is nothing more than naked push-ups.

I relate more with Spark's story. I still need to figure out how get the kids out of the nest and flying on their own. They're facing a shit economy and they know it.

I'm in far too much debt to simply quit, and I don't have the skills or resourcefulness or will to start my own business. My retirement savings isn't going to be enough to pay my bills, so I'm very likely going to be working till I drop dead. I'm not alone either. I can name at least 5 co-workers who are in their 70s and should be retired, and they're not hanging around for shits and giggles.

I'm in support of the right to die concept, but think it's dangerous to turn it into a movement, make it convenient, and get the government and business world involved. There are plenty of science fiction stories and films that cover all the possible nightmare distopias will arise from making suicide socially acceptable and convenient. All of them are very ugly.

So I'll keep on doing what I do, slugging it out and trying in vain to make things a bit better, against the tide of people making it all worse. Maybe something good will come out of it.

Maybe.

[asthmatic camel]

Wow, that's quite a life summary, AC. Thank you for sharing it.

Oh, that's bugger all. My first fiancé developed full-blown schizophrenia and stalked me for ten years, ruining my career.

My father fucked off with his secretary when I was eleven and my brother was nine.

My mother, somehow, managed to get both of us through what Brits know as Public Schools, (we were bright enough to win partially subsidised scholarships).

My step-mother was a fully-qualified, ultimate bitch. Imagine going on vacation with a screaming haridan who swore at the top of her voice, 24/7, to the extent that my brother and I ran away and camped under a tarp because we were so embarrassed.

My mother remarried a few years later to a lovely man, Walt, a postmaster. He dropped dead a few years later aged 55. His four children from his previous marriage gave my mother Hell. She owed them nothing, having financed his business.

My father and his bitch of of his second wife spawned four more children, which they could not afford to keep. Having bankrupted my grandparents, my father's bitch of a wife left him, leaving him to die on a narrowboat, the only accommodation he could afford, with an horrendous gold-digger he'd encountered on the internet.

Yeah, I frequently suffer from depression Crushing, suicidal depression. Want to see my scars?

[robinson]

We can compare scars

[robinson]

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[robinson]

I wish that was a joke

[robinson]

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[robinson]

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[Ben Trovado]

It's like crushing depression and alcohol problems are a requirement for posting here.

I am still qualified; too many of the above postings resonates too well (apart from the parenting stuff -- mine were good, just died far too soon). My problems are all self-made, apart from my second wife. But then, I chose her, so I guess that counts, too.

[asthmatic camel]

Ahh, ya know. Now and then life ain't so bad.

Like when Mrs. Camel sings.

Or, despite the hedonistic, self-destructive life I've lead, I can still cycle twenty-five miles up to Mam Tor, enjoy the dawn view and make it home in time for breakfast and BBC Radio 4's Today Program

And my voluntary work isn't so bad. At least I'm doing something to justify my existence.

:)

[asthmatic camel]

And then, having been sober for a year or so, I fancied a pint of decent ale at my favourite pub. Nothing to write home about, just a couple of pints.

https://i.imgur.com/MdLz0QP.jpg

Superb real ale, lovely people, an all round great place for a gentle night out with the wife and friends.

Gone. A pile of rubble. :(

[asthmatic camel]

Things could be worse, though. My oldest, dearest, most eccentric friend, Marc, (we were at infant school together), posted this on Facebook recently.

https://i.imgur.com/sObk1FH.jpg

:D

[Doctor X]

The UKIP candidate for Chelsea?

– J.D.

[shuize]

I don't feel like I can compete here.

The shittiest thing that happened to me was my ex- getting depressed* and bailing with the kids (aged 4.5 and 8.5 at the time) and, thanks to Japan's wonderful "family" court laws, basically threatening me with never seeing them again unless I forked over an unreasonable amount of money.

Thankfully, after several years of bullshit, that was finally resolved. My life, although not all sweetness and light, has stabilized.

Hers is a slow moving train wreck.

Oh, fucking well.

The kids will be grown soon enough and then I won't have to deal with any of it.


* Truth is, I could have handled things better. But after more than 10 years of broken promises on her part and a very conveniently timed case of "depression" when things were coming to a head, I thought it was all bullshit. In fact, I'm still not 100% sure it was not.

[asthmatic camel]

The UKIP candidate for Chelsea?

– J.D.

He's a brilliant artist and works at one of the places I volunteer. (When he's not off his nut.)

[asthmatic camel]

Some of you will remember our old friend, Scarlet, who had to leave here for awful personal reasons. (Thanks, Pyrrho for helping her out.)

We're still in touch and, despite going through some terrible shit, she remains indomitably cheerful. I wish, really wish, that my mind works like hers.

[sparks]

That's good to hear. Thanks for passing along the news that she refuses to let the shit win.

[asthmatic camel]

That's good to hear. Thanks for passing along the news that she refuses to let the shit win.

I'm still in touch with a few of our old members, sparks. Most notably DeBunk. Here he is with my dear, sadly deceased friend, Tim Walker.

I didn't know DB is a dwarf!

https://i.imgur.com/84WpxcC.jpg

[asthmatic camel]

Tim and Lynn came to visit us when he was dying from cancer. Trying not to weep, we took them for a curry in Rusholme's Curry Mile

I'm not good at dealing with horrible stuff but Tim was. On his way out, he made the most of the time he had left.

[asthmatic camel]

Tim & Lynn enjoying a curry during his final days.

https://i.imgur.com/fsK9ZUM.jpg

[Anaxagoras]

Really hope it's nothing serious, but see a doctor ASAP. Good luck.

[asthmatic camel]

That's good to hear. Thanks for passing along the news that she refuses to let the shit win.

Mikki Pettit, Abdul and DeBunk keep in touch, too. I have no idea why. Perhaps I'm a nicer man than I think I am.