"The Worst Martial Arts Teacher in the World"

[Doctor X]

No, not Heather [Stop that.--Ed.]

No, not the fat Chi guy who gets his ass beat by a Japanese mixed martial artist.

Not even "Yellow Bamboo."

I think Flounder might be able to take this guy.

Behold! T3h Sux!:

[youtube]Q8xgXSvuJB8[/youtube]

Now other than point-and-laugh identify the number of "Woo Events" in this video. Winner gets to see that picture Dragline is hording.

--J.D.

[shemp]

Needs to realign his chakras.

[Rob Lister]

It looks like somebody replaced his crappy pine boards that should break by looking at them hard with something a bit more substantial. Which is funny but for the poor girl that got knocked about the noggin.

I can't identify any woo per se.

[Anaxagoras]

Suckitude. I didn't see any "woo events" other than sheer ineptness though, but I guess my eye isn't trained to see these things. The poor little girl. :lol: (Shouldn't laugh at a little girl getting hurt, but I think she'll be OK.)

Damn, I took a little karate in HS and even though I never advanced beyond orange-belt I was able to break a pine board. And this guy is supposed to be a black-belt?

[Doctor X]

Worse. Count the "stripies" on his belt. It looks like a hapkido/taekwondo belt--extra-wide so you know he is a "sensei."

The board is thinner than most used. Further, boards are cut so you have a long grain. You break along the grain. Have someone flex the board, and they are very easy to break.

What I count as "woo" are such things as:

1. Scottish flag gi: conveying him as national badass or something. Gis are training clothes. Pure and simple.

2. Belt: like it is a magic amulet or something. Black belt should be . . . black. Maybe your name so you do not lose it. Maybe your organization on the other end if you compete. For higher level that includes more traditional Japanese teaching levels--as in "not Korean"--such as "renshi" and "kyoushi" you might get a stripey on Okinawa. I count at least three on his belt, maybe four. Thus more embarrassing. Incidentally, Judo, from which we get these mystical belts, have checkered red for their "renshi" level and solid red for higher: about 6-10th dan, and you are not some young guy unable to perform the basics.

3. Blames everyone else but himself for failure.

4. Blames the board!

5. Only teaches children--notice it is not STUDENTS holding the board--they would be in their Impressive-You-TOO-Could-Have gis and belts! SIGN UP NOW :hyper: I am sure he is invincible against three year-olds.

6. Has absolutely NO idea how to punch or kick--given how slow he is, and the fact he cannot generate any power--forget breaking the board--I mean any power whatsoever. He "bounces off" half the time--this means he has either been kicking/punching air or, worse, hitting those useless soft bags the kids hold. He is, I am sure, devastating . . . against air. Or a three year-old holding a soft bag. That is Woo. I, myself, was t3h d34dly against air until, one day, I went against an actual heavy bag . . . then picked my ass off the floor and ordered the bag commit immediate harakiri.

That is just a start.

--J.D.

[Anaxagoras]

Ah yes, at least twice he does try it with a different board, but no better luck. :lol:

Yeah, must be a high degree of self-delusion at work here.

[Doctor X]

Indeed.

I heard a fun story from a man now nearly 80 years old who has trained since he was stationed in Okinawa in the 1950s. Back in the states when he was a SECOND degree brak berut http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... fc871a.gif [Nidan--Ed.] . . . which is, of course . . . one MORE than first degree he was invincible in his class. None of his students could touch him.

So he entered one of the first martial arts tournaments in his state. He entered the ring with a Japanese college student who, in his words, "didn't know I was a nidan and didn't care! He promptly buried a front kick in my gut and sent me sprawling out of the ring!" He said he went back to his class and realized none of his students actually tried to hit him. "How can we hit Sensei?!11!"

It is very easy to delude oneself.

I have an Evil Story . . .

--J.D.

[gnome]

[youtube]I3MsZjx1K8k[/youtube]

[Pyrrho]

Spoiler:

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9mQ2 ... 11_gp2.gif

Spoilered because it has flashing lights.

[Doctor X]

https://i.imgur.com/exMOZye.gifT3h D34dly Tr34d N3cr0m4nseehttps://i.imgur.com/exMOZye.gif



This is a long one . . .

. . . ladies . . .

. . . but remember Yellow Bamboo? This gives an awesome background – if you go towards the end since there are chapters – and learn that the infamous video comes from a documentary. What I did not know, is these idiots actually tried to claim Randi's prize and, yes, said "Harter say I have claim," to the point of boasting they won it.

– J.D.

[Ben Trovado]

. . . but remember Yellow Bamboo? This gives an awesome background – if you go towards the end since there are chapters – and learn that the infamous video comes from a documentary. What I did not know, is these idiots actually tried to claim Randi's prize and, yes, said "Harter say I have claim," to the point of boasting they won it.

– J.D.

I remember those (embarrassing) videos.

[Doctor X]

When I researched it, I found the original 5 hour blathering of the Fat White Not Real Doctor explaining the initiation ritual. I sort of assumed he just tried to take credit for the foreign woo. Perhaps he is their spokesman. Either way he, and they, all suck Anax's Uranus.





Not. . . .

– J.D.

[Hotarubi]

Don't make me post the Italian guy with 22 10th dan black belts.

Including 10th dan in "self defense" and 10th...er...."dan".....uh ....DAN in "Vietnamese Martial Arts ."

Dan......in Vietnam

[Doctor X]

I actually saw a guy trying to claim a black belt in Irish Karate.

Yup.

Even taught counting in Irish. It was one of my moments of "Nyaah . . . don't waste your time," in that he was basically doing "'merican Kempo," which is Shotokan done badly which is Shorin-Ryū done worse with, like, some stuff he probably saw on a video.

Oh I can tell stories about super ranks!

Instead, looking for the Infamous Still Fucking Alive and Can Fuck You Up Peasants James Hong's "INDEED" from the 'Merican FREEDOM Classic Big Trouble in Little China to show someone, I found this:



Guy looks like he can still kick all of our asses. Even Anax's Uranus.

"Carter" Wong appeared in a number of Bruce Li films. I believe he is in Game of Death as one of his cohorts. BTiLC had a number of greats. One guy who keeps showing up is a choreographer who plays "Endo, who has forgotten more about pain than we'll ever know" in Leather Weapon.

But "Carter" Wong is just great, and I think it was intentional that he is never actually beaten in the film.

– J.D.