The NFL "Sorry to Make You Cry" Challenge X

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 3:02 am

That is the most animated His Billness has sounded in years. :D I think in the same interview one of the interviewers asked, "Are you on to Indianapolis?" referring to the Combine.

--J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:39 am

Excuse. . . .

Nation Prepares For Long Week Of Seeing Photos Of Tom Brady Lifting Super Bowl Trophy

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/28/2857 ... 0.jpg?3406

WASHINGTON—Bracing themselves for what they know will be a long and arduous week, millions of Americans across the nation expressed their frustration Tuesday as they prepared to be continuously inundated with photos of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady lifting the Super Bowl trophy. “Well, this is gonna suck,” Omaha, NE resident Paul Webb said before opening his web browser, explaining that as soon as he opens any given sports website, he will inevitably be met with a giant picture of Brady holding up the Lombardi Trophy after the Super Bowl or during the Patriots’ championship parade. “It’ll be really annoying having to immediately scroll down just so I don’t have to see that smug asshole’s face smiling back at me while he wears a ‘Super Bowl XLIX Champions’ hat and confetti rains down around him, but I guess I don’t have a choice unless I toss my phone in the garbage and go live in the woods for the next seven days. The worst will be those grids of him hoisting four different Super Bowl trophies—Christ, even the thought of that makes me want to fucking puke.” The U.S. populace did, however, reportedly take some solace in realizing that the constant barrage of photos and articles about Brady and the Patriots doesn’t represent a drastic departure from the media’s normal, everyday sports coverage.

The Onion . . . of Course

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... csg1ey.gif

--J.D.

Post by **Captain** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 1:33 am

Well boys now that they're all done playin' grab-ass, I'm unsticking this topic to let some of the other dirt rise to the top of the ditch.

Boss Paul · Post by **Boss Paul** » Sat Feb 07, 2015 2:13 am

And you don't want us finding your dirt in the Captain's ditch.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 1:18 am

New Deflategate theory: Colts deflated ball after Jackson’s pick

Deflategate may now have more conspiracy theories than the Kennedy assassination. Here’s the latest: It was the Colts, not the Patriots, who deflated a football in the AFC Championship Game.

Several reports have indicated that the Colts first noticed that the Patriots were deflating footballs when linebacker D’Qwell Jackson intercepted a Tom Brady pass and the ball felt flat. The new conspiracy theory is that after Jackson’s interception, the Colts took some air out of that football on their own sideline before handing it over to the officials to have it tested.

ProFootball Talk: Reporting on Adam Schefter

Apparently, "unnamed football sources which includes coaches not named God Emperor of Doom" have opined that this is the most likely explanation and they believe Indy is guilty.

Got my eyes on the road, Boss.

--J.D.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 1:27 am

Is the NFL still "investigating" or have they made an official ruling yet?

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 4:08 am

Anaxagoras wrote:Is the NFL still "investigating" or have they made an official ruling yet?

They are "still investigating" and "awaiting for the report." However, the massive contradiction of the leak that "ALL THE BALLS WERE DEFLATED!!!11!!!" and this has caused even some of the most vocal Pats critics to shut up. Hilariously, Rice tweeted about how all of Brady's Super Bowls are "tainted" because he cheats. Welcome to the Time of Interwebz: tons of people posted Rice's interview where he proudly declares how he used illegal "stickum" spray on his gloves all the time.

Rice removed the tweet.

Brady --> :De_Bunk: <-- Rice

Now I would have put this conspiracy in the OBAMABUSH9/11 File, but, apparently, it is not being so easily dismissed. One can only imagine what happens if it turned out to be true. Fines, draft picks, and suspensions will surpass Bountygate. The biggest "loser" would be Andrew Luck since it will only weaken a team around him that has been unable to beat the best teams at critical times.

If I were not a Pats Fan I would still consider rooting for it just to be true to watch the apocalyptic level explosion. Pats-Hating Fanboy Commentators were originally calling for Belichick's firing and Tom Brady's suspension--to the point of neither playing in the Super Bowl and all of that.

What will they demand if this happens to be true?

Those Haters will probably demand nothing but still . . . :hyper:

--J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 7:29 am

More from The Onion:

Brady’s critics also reportedly committed to offering up nothing but arduous praise for Peyton Manning in the future, noting that the Denver Broncos quarterback would have undoubtedly won more Super Bowls than Brady if he’d just had better coaches throughout his career.

Resilient Tom Brady Critics Already Looking Ahead

“I mean, the look on his face right after I made him throw that pick on the goal line was just priceless. He’s so fucking annoying, so I wanted to get his hopes up and then crush him in front of the whole world. Self-righteous little prick.” Despite subsequently allowing the Patriots to win their fourth Super Bowl title, God also clarified that Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Robert Kraft are all “dirty fucking cheats” who will spend an eternity in Hell after they die.

God: Fuck Russel Wilson!

--J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 2:48 pm

Not as if the Pats front office was texting to the coaches during the game.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 3:39 pm

Only an idiot would do that.

What?

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 2:14 am

jacks wrote:Congratulations Tiosylanyl, Doc X thank you for hosting another great season it was good fun.

Indeed. Wait till next year. Go Bears!!

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:08 am

So, what movie already?!

Tiosylanyl · Post by **Tiosylanyl** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:42 am

gnome wrote:So, what movie already?!

Tiosylanyl wrote:
Hey, I've got six months or so to mull on it.

:nutkick:

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:01 pm

:HoppingMad:

grayman · Post by **grayman** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 12:14 pm

Patriots' Brandon Browner rips Kanye West brilliantly on Twitter

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Sat Feb 14, 2015 12:42 am

Doctor X wrote:Radrick puts it this way: "I would vote it as a firing. He wouldn't be leaving if he hadn't been asked to leave."

It seemed clear that if he did not find another job he would not be back.

--J.D.

It's official now (not that it matters, but might as well be on record).

Jim Harbaugh says he didn't leave the 49ers by choice

"I didn't leave the 49ers. The 49ers hierarchy left me," Harbaugh said during the 30-minute interview. He said that he didn't want to put the 49ers in a bad spot, which is why the parting of ways was technically mutual. He also went on to confirm that he was told that he would be let go at the end of the season following a loss to the Seattle Seahawks in Week 15.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Feb 15, 2015 6:09 am

Ah yeah! I just so happened to see the report on either NFL Network or ESPN when I opened your post. I rather suspected there would be no way a coach of a competitive team would leave unless fired. Made no sense.

On other news . . . after watching the last minute for like the 37th [37?--Ed.] time, Butler did land in front of the goal line so it was good presence of mind the he tried to run forward and other pushed him forward. Now whether or not a ref would have called it a safety if he came down in the endzone given his momentum is anyone's guess.

In Other News: Both Chris Carter and Michael "The BRILLIANCE . . . of . . . Bill Belichick!" Irving separately slammed Rice trying to excuse his cheating by applying "Stickum" to his gloves. Unlike "Deflategate" adding such rather does confer a material advantage.

While I rooted for the Niners after October--when the Pats were eliminated :( --just to have some team to root for which was not a Cowboy, I have to add an "astericks" to their championships.

Given the steroid use of the Squeelers we can, of course, remove all of their championships.

Which means . . . excuse while I take another hit . . . only the Patriots have a legitimate Dynasty.

What?

--J.D.

P.S. Go and watch the 30-30 documentary on the 1980 Russian Olympic Team:

[youtube]u10ESglNdpg[/youtube]

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:28 am

This could go into a Daily Fail thread but . . .

ESPN Outside the Lines reported that a Patriots locker room attendant in charge of the officials locker room "was caught attempting to introduce an unapproved kicking ball" in the AFC title game.

DADDDDAAAAAADDAAAA!!!!!!!!

Reporter was all over morning radio proclaiming that though she was not trying to "insinuate anything" but that "it was a fact" that "he tried to introduce an unapproved ball." Notice her repeated use of "tried to introduce" as in "not a mistake."

DDDDDDaaaaDDDDDAAAADDDAAT-DAH!!!

She interviewed a former ref who claimed that it was "utterly unusual" that this employee would be seen on the field, tossing balls to Tom Brady, et cetera.

DAAAAADDDDDATDDDDDDAAAAA!

Actual "football insider" of ESPN Adam Schefter then utterly destroyed this poor girl's report. Every . . . detail.

Official interviewed stated that the employee did "nothing unusual" and you "see it all the time." Official interviewed by the reporter had previously been . . . fired.

Then he continued to reveal that a LEAGUE--NFL--Official gave the DADDDATTTDAAAA!!!! "Unapproved ball" to the Pats Dude instructing him to introduce it in the game.

Said Official has already been fired for stealing balls. See, the NFL sells these used balls for charity. A ball was noticed missing by ANOTHER official so, apparently, the fired official tried to introduce an unapproved ball to fix the numbers.

Yup.

Cue clown music.

What? No Linkypoo? ESPN has expunged all reports. It lead the morning news but now . . . nothing on ESPN.

So here is what Karen Guregian of the Boston Daily Male Herald summarizes it:

First, there was an ESPN "Outside the Lines" report Tuesday night that brought new information to the table with respect to the controversy, but really didn't add all that much in the final analysis.

Among the new items, ESPN reported Patriots locker room attendant Jim McNally tried to introduce an unapproved special teams football into last month's AFC Championship Game.

Then, on the heels of that supposed nugget, ESPN.com's Adam Schefter reported that the NFL had fired an employee who sold footballs that were used in that same AFC Championship Game — footballs that later became the source of the entire Deflategate saga.

But guess what? The two breaking stories now appear to be connected, and not in a way that paints the league in the best light.

Schefter explained the footballs used in the game were supposed to be donated to charity, but that one employee took some footballs and sold them instead.

Schefter suggested the fired official took out the real ball for a fake one, which was handed to an unsuspecting McNally.

Moreover, Ted Wells, who is the lead investigator in the case, supposedly has all of this on film.

Talk about opening up a can of worms. What a mess.

If true, Schefter basically blew the basis of the earlier report out of the water. Essentially, the crux of that report was that McNally tried, unsuccessfully, to get an unapproved ball into the game, which raised some red flags. That inspired NFL's vice president of game operations, Mike Kensil, who was on hand, to head down to the officials locker room to test the 12 balls used by the Patriots offense.

According to the report, Kensil personally checked the PSI levels of all 12 footballs the Patriots had for use on offense and found that 11 of those 12 were underinflated by "one to two pounds."

Whether those balls were underinflated by natural causes or on purpose has yet to be determined, as the league is still investigating.

Bottom line? The more we find out, the crazier it becomes.

Boston Herald

--J.D.

Edited to actually provide the link.--Ed.]

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:56 am

I don't think they expunged everything.

http://espn.go.com/espn/otl/story/_/id/ ... ource-says

and

http://espn.go.com/espn/otl/story/_/id/ ... es-reports

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:02 am

Interesting.

Those were on the main page--apparently--and no longer are. They are also no longer on the "crawl" of ESPN.

Further, This is not on the main page of Outside the Lines yet it demolishes the initial report. This is "in flux."

--J.D.

Tiosylanyl · Post by **Tiosylanyl** » Wed Mar 04, 2015 6:16 pm

NSFW:

http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j191/ ... f97f88.jpg

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Wed Mar 04, 2015 6:43 pm

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... 794f0e.gif

Wow!

That makes the reaction of those loyal--since 2013--Seachickens fans to The Call [Available in DVD and Blue Ray.--Ed.] seem rational.

"We better win the Super Bowl!"

With whose quarterback?

--J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 12:17 am

Dude should move to Cleveland for a couple of seasons. He'll go running back to Philly like it was paved with gold.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 12:58 am

What QB are you drafting this year?

What?

--J.D.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:04 am

Doctor X wrote:What QB are you drafting this year?

What?

--J.D.

Why draft when they can trade future draft picks for Sanchez today! That way, the fans don't have to wonder how fucked they will be next year. It's all quite efficient you see.

Tiosylanyl · Post by **Tiosylanyl** » Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:52 pm

He's back to comment on further hijinks with the Eagles...

NSFW:

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Wed Mar 11, 2015 3:29 pm

'am I supposed to see some hidden message? I can't

Tiosylanyl · Post by **Tiosylanyl** » Wed Mar 11, 2015 4:58 pm

Sounds like a personal problem.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 1:03 am

Because I have not had an excuse to mention the SUPER BOWL WINNING CHAMPION PATRIOTS in, like, a day, Trent Dilfer became "infamous" amongst Brady and Belichick Ball Washers--but not Deflators!--for this observation after Kansas City ass-raped them then forced them to make sandwiches:

[youtube]WFuffcVDKKg[/youtube]

He has been good natured about it in interviews as the season wore on to the point of slamming Chris Carter.

Anyways, a Pats fan in Los Angeles saw him at a gym:

Amer in California: And I was wearing my Patriots work-out shirt. And we actually locked eyes at one point. And he looked at me, and I just stared at him, and he goes: "Alright! I'm SORRY!"

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 10:14 pm

Iz it bear season yet?
It's the year of the Cub or so I'm told.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 11:07 pm

It is ALWAYS the Next Year of the Cubs. http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... ac5dea.gif

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Mon Mar 30, 2015 6:14 pm

This is NEXT year!!

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:43 am

How is that dead arm on Lester?

[As good as the elbow of Vasquez?--Ed.]

SHUT UP!!!!!

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 7:19 pm

But we have a good manager. He will fix everything during spring training.

WildCat · Post by **WildCat** » Sat Apr 04, 2015 11:03 pm

izittrue wrote:This is NEXT year!!

No, it's not.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:30 pm

The Cubs were still dead on Easter. I do think it's almost impossible for so called "great" players to do well in a cub uniform as cub fans long for a World Series. Perhaps there is too much pressure on them.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 6:11 pm

Lester pitched well, right?

What?

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:24 pm

Oh yes. Worth every penny of his 160 million. Cubs are competing with da Bears on expensive lousy throwing athletes.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:11 am

Meanwhile . . . the Red Sox have the BESTEST record in MLB :hyper:

The MFYs have the WORSTEST! :)

--J.D.

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 8:20 pm

Cubs finally score a run. They are on a roll!!