A Thought for the Day

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Thu Mar 24, 2022 10:34 pm

An Irish comedian in the past did a tour of Canada and was asked what made him decide to do so.

"Well," says he, "I was in me pub, drinkin', when I saw this here advertisement on me coaster. 'Drink Canada Dry,' it said."

"So I thought I'd have a go."

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Fri Apr 01, 2022 11:48 am

April 1. I am not looking forward to the barrage of stupid emails at work.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sat Apr 02, 2022 7:40 am

– J.D.

P.S. He usually does a fake biography on April Fools' Day, One version of the Dreadnaught Affair states that the Navy sent men to demand they must cane the pranksters. This one agreed provided he could cane them back.

Hotarubi · Post by **Hotarubi** » Sat Apr 02, 2022 8:07 am

Pyrrho wrote: ↑Fri Apr 01, 2022 11:48 am April 1. I am not looking forward to the barrage of stupid emails at work.

Know what. Minions had 9 external customers raise complaints about received emails they decided we "deliberately trolled them with because april foolz"

No.Really.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Mon Apr 04, 2022 1:39 am

In the tumult of civil discord, the laws of society lose their force, and their place is seldom supplied by those of humanity. The ardor of contention, the pride of victory, the despair of success, the memory of past injuries, and the fear of future dangers, all contribute to inflame the mind, and to silence the voice of pity.

– Edward Gibbon, The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

– J.D.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Tue Apr 12, 2022 2:13 am

Saw this in a reddit comment:

"I was born young, and I stayed that way until I was much older."

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Apr 12, 2022 5:35 am

His opening statement.

– J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Thu Apr 14, 2022 12:20 am

Hotarubi · Post by **Hotarubi** » Thu Apr 14, 2022 10:22 pm

A cloud the size of a bus contains enough water to sustain an adult human for one day.

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Sat Apr 16, 2022 3:33 am

A beer cave the size of a bus contains enough beer to sustain an adult human for one day.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sat Apr 16, 2022 9:46 am

. . . the use of letters is the principle circumstance that distinguishes a civilized people from a herd of savages incapable of knowledge or reflection. Without that artificial help, the human memory so dissipates or corrupts the ideas intrusted [Sic – Ed.] to her charge; and the nobler faculties of the mind, no longer supplied with models or with materials gradually forget their powers; the judgment becomes feeble and lethargic, the imagination languid or irregular. Fully to apprehend this important truth, let us attempt, in an improved society, to calculate the immense distance between the man of learning and the illiterate peasant.

– Edward Gibbon, The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

https://i.imgur.com/kW912Jv.gif

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Apr 19, 2022 7:06 am

Appalled to learn that @bindelj sexually harassed me by (checks notes) making me laugh while lunching. I’ve naturally consulted lawyers, but they say my case is likely to fail at trial due to a legal loophole known as ‘this is bullshit’. Devastated. Please send more fake concern.

– J.K. Rowling

– J.D.

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Tue Apr 19, 2022 10:53 pm

Any story that does not have Batman in it would be much improved by the addition of Batman.

Hamlet? He finds conclusive evidence, punches out the King, and has already administered the antidote to everyone.

The French Connection? The police, once they finally find the drugs, find the man they are searching for tied up and hanging from a flag pole outside the police station with a signed confession.

Home Alone? More punching and a stern lecture to the parents along with tracking equipment from Wayne Enterprises to avoid a sequel (a huge improvement by itself).

Casablanca? Batman. Punching. Nazis.

The Seven Samurai? All the villagers get ready at their posts, only to hear the signs of a huge scuffle throughout the night. In the morning, they find all of the bandits unconscious and stripped of their weapons. A new Wayne foundation project to eliminate hunger is announced the next week.

The Rise of Skywalker? He punches out the writers, directors, and essentially everyone at Disney.

I rest my case.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Apr 19, 2022 11:01 pm

So why not add him to Batman Forever?

– J.D.

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Wed Apr 20, 2022 12:37 am

Doctor X wrote: ↑Tue Apr 19, 2022 11:01 pm So why not add him to Batman Forever?

– J.D.

It would have been better with Batman in it. I stand by that.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Fri Apr 22, 2022 4:44 pm

Always worth a read.

"A short lesson in perspective" by Linds Redding

https://www.davidairey.com/linds-redding-perspective

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Fri Apr 22, 2022 6:36 pm

Fucking brilliant! Thanks again Pyrrho.

"Our ad agencies, design groups, film and music studios, have gone from being cottage industries and guilds of craftsmen and women, essentially unchanged from the middle-ages, to dark satanic mills of mass production."

Yep. Holy fucking shit on a shingle.

Exactly the same thing in broadcasting. Nothing but pablum for the great unwashed, but do it with about a quarter of the people, OK? And don't spend any fucking money!!!!

Stupid fuckers.

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Fri Apr 22, 2022 8:13 pm

Pyrrho wrote: ↑Fri Apr 22, 2022 4:44 pm Always worth a read.

"A short lesson in perspective" by Linds Redding

https://www.davidairey.com/linds-redding-perspective

"A shit-load of empty Prozac boxes, wine bottles, a lot of grey hair and a tumour of indeterminate dimensions."

He should have gone into law.

He would have insisted on knowing the dimensions.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Apr 22, 2022 8:34 pm

Ben Trovado wrote: ↑Fri Apr 22, 2022 8:13 pmHe should have gone into law.

I, for one, am offended that zou assume zis pronouns and gender!

Reported.

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:51 am

Here lies I, the King's dog
pray tell, who's dog are you?

– J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sun Apr 24, 2022 9:30 pm

Ben Trovado wrote: ↑Wed Apr 20, 2022 12:37 am
Doctor X wrote: ↑Tue Apr 19, 2022 11:01 pm So why not add him to Batman Forever?

– J.D.
It would have been better with Batman in it. I stand by that.

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Sun Apr 24, 2022 10:15 pm

Pyrrho wrote: ↑Sun Apr 24, 2022 9:30 pm
Ben Trovado wrote: ↑Wed Apr 20, 2022 12:37 am
Doctor X wrote: ↑Tue Apr 19, 2022 11:01 pm So why not add him to Batman Forever?

– J.D.
It would have been better with Batman in it. I stand by that.

That . . . is Goddamned ART!

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Apr 29, 2022 12:21 pm

In the early hours of the morning, Hauer re-wrote this part of the script and pitched the scene to his boss. “It was one o’clock in the morning. I was gonna be fired at 3,” explained Ridley Scott. “And then somebody says Rutger wants you. I said, ‘Oh s**t!’” Scott marched to the actor’s trailer and listened to the revised speech. “He read it, and it was great… I said, ‘that’s what we’re gonna do.’”

I Have Seen Things!

– J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sat Apr 30, 2022 12:20 pm

Twit: https://twitter.com/A_AMilne/status/1520267187008811008

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sat Apr 30, 2022 12:57 pm

https://i.imgur.com/deu6tI9.jpg

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sun May 01, 2022 7:57 pm

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue May 03, 2022 5:13 pm

Pastor: I gave thanks to the Lord's decision of their sacrifice and said a prayer.

Ji-yeong: Bullshit. You killed them yourself.

– Squid Game

– J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Tue May 03, 2022 5:34 pm

Hugh Laurie @hughlaurie
The future is bright. Unfortunately, that’s not where we’re headed.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Mon May 16, 2022 11:57 pm

https://i.imgur.com/wgQ8myC.jpg

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri May 20, 2022 6:21 am

Charles Bludorn: Where the hell have you been, Gary?!

Gary - PR Fucktard: I – I was just – we've been monitoring the situation.

CB: "Monitoring the situation." Where from? Your bedroom? You're fired!

G – PRF: I'm what?

Forest Gump's Son Who was Also in Band of Brothers: Charlie, I don't –

CB: The story broke this morning and now you're just starting to think about damage control. You fucked up! You're fired!

G – PRF: It broke two hours ago. How is this my fault?

https://i.imgur.com/Q67gCbl.png

The Offer, "Cake"

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun May 29, 2022 6:15 am

I mean he [Boris Johnson – Ed.] started off by saying women in burkas look like post boxes. Now, it's not up to Boris Johnson what a Muslim woman wears on her face. It's up to her husband.

– Ricky Gervais, Super Nature

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue May 31, 2022 9:09 am

https://i.imgur.com/sr1Pv3Z.jpg

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Wed Jun 01, 2022 7:31 am

https://i.imgur.com/7GqLErN.png

– J.D.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Jun 02, 2022 1:55 pm

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Jun 02, 2022 4:11 pm

Don't cry Chrissy, it's time for your suffering to end.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Jun 02, 2022 5:47 pm

Yes, Papa!

– J. "Who is Number 1?!!" D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sat Jun 04, 2022 3:05 pm

– J.D.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Jun 05, 2022 9:12 am

Meanwhile, from a late and missed:

https://i.imgur.com/Trl84Sl.png

Spoiler:

– J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Sun Jun 05, 2022 8:40 pm

Twit: https://twitter.com/RealTimeWWII/status/1533541783388536832

Ben Trovado · Post by **Ben Trovado** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 2:25 am

Pyrrho wrote: ↑Sun Jun 05, 2022 8:40 pm
Twit: https://twitter.com/RealTimeWWII/status/1533541783388536832

He was then cancelled for wearing blackface.