The NFL "Sorry to Make You Cry" Challenge XIII

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:41 am

MORE than a decade . . . of dominance and nearly two decades of Dynasty!!

https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/UlCR38 ... ATCH.0.gif

From The Office of the Two Time Grand Champion

"The merciful and compassionate!"

And this is how I began last year quoting how we began the previous year . . . quoting how we began the previous year . . . quoting how we began the previous year quoting how we began the previous year . . . quoting the previous year . . . quoting the previous year . . . quoting the previous year . . . quoting the previous year . . . quoting the previous year:

There is that scent in the air . . . the scent of Dolphin failure! The scent of Chicago not having a quarterback! The scent of San Diego Los Angeles fans still not over last year!

Has anything really changed?

There is a scent in the air. . . .

Ramathorn: What's that smell Rabbit?

https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/file ... oopers.jpg

Rabbit: FEAR!

AND WHAT A SEASON IT IS SHAPING UP TO BECOME! {Now suck my dick!} [Shhh!--Ed.]

The rules, as Carr explained, remain:

T3h Rulz:

Rule the First: "Same idea as last year. Pick a team each week, if that team loses you then own that team and get one point for each regular season win that team gets."

ALL games count: Thursday, Sunday, Day-Night Double-Header to make up for a rain out. . . . I follow the NFL Schedule. So start picking NOW!

Rule the Second: You can pick and change up to the time of kickoff.

Rule the Third: "Mulligan!!"
1. Regular Season: each player has one "Mulligan." Those with one will have an "*" next to their name in the Grid of Despair. That means you get one chance to pick a second game if your first game FAILS.

You declare it . . . you used it whatever the outcome of the first game is.

2. Playoffs? http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... 9d8ee1.gif

3. What if Gonna be Absent? For those who are "away" one may post or PM. The second pick must be before the kick-off of that game. So, yes, you can fail on Sunday and pick a later game, even Monday Night Football.

You can post "Imma picking Denver to lose but if that FAIL, I am picking the Jags to lose!"

You have used your "Mulligan."

Bonus Points: :hyper:

Win a Division: 4 points
Wild Card: 2 points
Win in First Round of playoffs : 3 point
Win in Divisional Round: 5 points
Win Conference Championship: 7 points
Win Superbowl: 15 points

Supersorrytomakeyoucrybubblebonus: The team that finishes one place out of a playoff spot pays a 2.5 point bonus.
This will be based on the semi-official NFL standings.

ExtraEvidencesDr.XMeaniebonus: Beating the Patriots pays 1 point.

DoNotJudgeOthersbyYourStandardsCHARLEY_BIGTIMEbonus: Beating Pittsburgh pays 1 point.

Doctor X is a MEANIE Point: Your Humble and Magnificent Messiah [PBUH--Ed.] gets 1 points if you pick the Patriots to lose and they win.

Dipshit Bonus: http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... 5f0c4f.gif 6 point bonus if you own all teams playing in a playoff round (and thus cannot pick a team)--unLESS:

RadrickGamblingBonus: http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... 7ad267.gif if eligible for the Dipshit Bonus, you can still choose to pick a loser. If the team loses, you get 10 points. If they win, you get . . . nothing! And you will like it!

In the Rain Bonus: If you have a team that fires a coach before and including Week 9, you get 10 points. If you have a team whose coach is fired before Brack Fliday [Monday--Ed.], you get 5 points. After Brack Fliday [Monday--Ed.] you get 2 points:

1. Rained on by Week 9: 10 points.
2. Rained on before Brack Fliday [Monday--Ed.]: 5 points
3. Rained on on or after Brack Fliday [Monday--Ed.]: 2 points

shempICan'tWinforLosingBonus: If you pick a team up to and including Week 12 OR prior to the first team to clinch a playoff spot AND your team is losing by 14 or more points in the 4th quarter yet they win? You get 1 point consolation. And you will like it.

Super Bowl is the cut-off.

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... 2gwavb.jpg

Playoffs: "Playoffs? Playoffs?!"

If you pick a team to lose IN the playoffs, you get only the season wins and any previous post season wins. No play-off bonuses.

I am ethically and spiritually barred from choosing NE since I would be guaranteeing myself my own "MEANIE point" save during the Fuck You Roger Moratorium. If the situation arises in the "Playoffs?" where there is no team I can pick, I default to either the Dipshit Bonus or the RadrickGamblingBonus. Since it is less than the points I would get if I picked NE, I do not think that would be a problem.

SUGGESTIONS will be entertained.

[youtube][/youtube]

--J. "But Only a Dick can Fuck an Asshole!" [Shhh!--Ed.] D.

P.S. http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... b4dax9.gif

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 6:42 am

http://i.imgur.com/CNcHQ.gif

--J.D.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 6:56 am

Seachickens to lose

Post by **Captain** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:20 am

Carr says he needs this pinned up so he can keep order. Which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it!

Carr · Post by **Carr** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:52 am

What you all standing around for? Get a them picks!

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:46 am

Queefs to lose Boss!!

I notice that a preseason game that was scheduled for Houston has been cancelled and also a regular season game has been scheduled there for next week. I wonder if things will be enough back to normal by then to hold a football game.

Mentat · Post by **Mentat** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:04 pm

Chiefs to lose.

The Plan: Week 1

Spoiler:

edit: Fixed fuggin formatting

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:57 pm

I will take the Cravens

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:15 pm

NY Gnats to get swatted.

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:24 am

Queefs.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:26 am

[youtube][/youtube]

What?

--J.D.

Evolver · Post by **Evolver** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 4:59 pm

Kansas Shitty Sheaths.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 6:32 pm

@AdamSchefter
NFL has conference call this am to determine whether to play or postpone Sunday's Bucs-Dolphins game due to Hurricane Irma, per sources.

Based on the current weather models it will most definitely get cancelled/moved. Just an FYI for those thinking of picking either team.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:31 pm

Have not followed it closely, but I was under the impression they would play early as in Saturday. If postponed, I am not sure how far they can go since Irma is suppose to hit on Sunday.

Anyways, if anyone is interested in either team, we will figure it out.

--J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:17 pm

Imma change my pick to the Queefs.

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:32 am

Doctor X wrote:Have not followed it closely, but I was under the impression they would play early as in Saturday. If postponed, I am not sure how far they can go since Irma is suppose to hit on Sunday.

Anyways, if anyone is interested in either team, we will figure it out.

--J.D.

They both suck. Double forfeit.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Wed Sep 06, 2017 5:01 am

I discussed it with another player. There is a chance that Tampa might actually be the "next in line" to win their division. Seriously. It is that sort of division. Failcon fans were trolled by Pussy, Tampa's Gay, and Faints fans which is like Cleveland and Jets fans trolling Buffalo fans.

Anyways, IF someone wants to pick the game, and it gets post-poned to their mutual bye-week in Noverbertysomething, then the pick will count for this week and you can pick another game that week. This means your pick for this week will count later.

I will allow anyone who declares the pick to to change the Loser of the game up to the actual kick-off. I have to be realistic in that by that time one of the teams could have fallen apart, significant injuries, blah . . . blah.

It is really simple:

[youtube][/youtube]

--J. "Now . . . Sex!" D.

Evolver · Post by **Evolver** » Wed Sep 06, 2017 5:01 pm

What if you picked one of those teams, and already owned both by the reschedule date?

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:37 pm

Evolver wrote:What if you picked one of those teams, and already owned both by the reschedule date?

Then you done goofed.

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:10 am

Going with the Queefs

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:56 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:
Evolver wrote:What if you picked one of those teams, and already owned both by the reschedule date?
Then you done goofed.

Or, your clever plan of ensuring you have the Bucs by selecting them twice paid off.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:51 pm

I am half tempted to change my pick to one of the teams affected by the rescheduling, just to add an element of chaos and confusion.

But I won't.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:25 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:
Evolver wrote:What if you picked one of those teams, and already owned both by the reschedule date?
Then you done goofed.

Actually, no.

Sorry for the delay.

If you think about it, in order to get "another pickie" :hyper: you then have to have successfully picked BOTH teams between this and the eleventh week. If your pick FAILed this week, you would still have picked those two games and have one pick for week 11.

The question is whether or not this gives you the chance for an EXTRA pick. Well, you "waste" a pick for this week--no team. You are then forced to pick, and get, both teams before you have, effectively, magically had a "do over." But why waste the time to do that? If picking up Miami is probably not too difficult. Picking up Tampa may or may not. So you could lose by picking Tampa more than once trying to get this "magic" redo. Is there a slight advantage that you can alter between Tampa and Dolphins based on what they are like in Week 11? I do not think so.

This would be more of an issue if the teams were like, well, The Glorious Dynasty ["Snip!"--Ed.] Patriots versus the Seamen or Squealers where the teams could be radically different in Week 11 depending on how they come together, injuries, rape in bar woman's rooms, et cetera.

All that matters is everyone gets the same 16 picks + Mulligan for the Regular Season.

So I shall declare it so that IF someone picks this game AND by some strange reason they end up with BOTH Tampa and Miami I will allow another pick to even things out.

So it is written. . . .

--J.D.

Evolver · Post by **Evolver** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:08 pm

Evolver wrote:Kansas Shitty Sheeps.

to lose

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 9:31 pm

I'll take KC to lose. Gots to have action for first game. I don't have the funny. Queefs?

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 12:27 am

https://68.media.tumblr.com/b71ff9efe57 ... o2_500.gif

--J.D.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:16 am

An actual game, how nice.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:51 am

There is no Star Trek on.

--J.D.

Mentat · Post by **Mentat** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:53 am

I tuned in at the end of the 3rd quarter. Sorry for jinxing it, guys.

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:55 am

WTF???

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:06 am

Mentat wrote:I tuned in at the end of the 3rd quarter. Sorry for jinxing it, guys.

I don't see a problem.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:13 am

Can't wait for all the extreme, over reaction sports articles!

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:16 am

Fire Belichick! Axe Brady! Burn the mother to the ground!

Mentat · Post by **Mentat** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:17 am

This is like when I played Charlie's stock picking game, and I grabbed the Freddy Mac/Fanny Mae stocks right before they went nuclear. When I fail, I fail hard. So damn hard I bring half the world crashing down.

I blame ed. Bastard is looking at my posts and manipulating world events just to piss me off.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:44 am

WE NEVER SHOULDA TRADED JACOBY BRISKET!!1!!!1!

They need to coach better, play better, execute better, on all phases of the game. . . .

--J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:12 am

To think that I almost picked the Pats.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 7:38 am

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u264 ... /brood.gif

--J.D.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:42 am

Well, you know, I did get my mind right.

I expected cries of "Mulligan!" to echo across the land...

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 11:55 am

That is the one consolation prize when you pick a Thursday game. Best chance to use a mulligan if it doesn't work out, and a couple days to think about it.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Fri Sep 08, 2017 12:01 pm

I wonder if there's some kind of super bowl hangover for the Pats. Last year they had something to prove, a chip on their shoulder. This year, basking in the afterglow a bit too much perhaps? Lulled into thinking it would be too easy perhaps? It's only human nature after all.