Airline accidents

[ed]

I saw this
https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/q ... nds-safely
And got thinking. I had two cases of aircraft problems in flight.

One was when I was flying to DC on a little high wing twin engine puddle jumper. Loud bang. No drama. When we landed a panel was missing and insulation was trailing out of the fuselage.

Worse was a flight from Some damn French island in the Caribbean when there were three bangs and one could see an engine trailing flames. It was a 707. The fire was put out and they piolet came on and said to touch nothing, sit quietly, we are going to make an emergency landing in PR. It was the first and only time that I ever saw flight attendants nervous. Really nervous. Hour later (an HOUR) we landed. 2am. Airport closed. No customs officials so we had to wait. Flight crew headed out however to a hotel. Capitol Air. Jesse Stallings CEO. Wrote many a pissed off letter. No satisfaction. Fuckers.

Any fun stories you can add? Please only include those where you survived.

[Pyrrho]

Final approach into Reagan National. Big jet. Coming in over the Potomac. About ready to land. Jet suddenly accelerated and went up very steeply. Pilot said, very tersely, "Due to weather we will be circling back for another approach." He was obviously angry. My guess is that there was traffic on the runway.

[solely]

Happily, all unextraordinary not even turbulence.

[Pyrrho]

Another time, in a propeller plane from Pittsburgh, landed in Cleveland and the plane got lifted on one side because of crosswind.

[Pyrrho]

Then there were all the times I crashed in MS Flight Simulator.

[ceptimus]

I was in a Lufthansa Airbus that circled around Khartoum airport, Sudan, three times before landing. It was a clear evening, and I could see other planes on and around the runway. After eventually landing safely, the captain told us, in German and English, that he'd originally been told to land. He'd refused, and told the air traffic controllers about the other planes. He said he couldn't understand their replies, because their English was poor. So he'd decided to just fly visually, till he could see for himself that the runway was clear.

Once inside the terminal building, I was sent back and forth to various officials for over two hours, before I realized what they were after, and gave some U.S. dollars to someone I think was a policeman. He then escorted me out within a couple of minutes, to where I could struggle through the crowd of aggressive beggars outside, and get a taxi to my hotel.

My expenses claim for the trip contained over twenty items labelled as 'bribe'. The company I worked for didn't quibble - other employees had been there before and put in similar claims.

What a shithole Sudan was, back then. Maybe it still is. I vowed never to return after that one trip.

[ed]

I used to fly a lot. My airport of choice was Westchester, small. Was small. Anyway one time I was going to Oscar Meyer I think in Wisc., yeah, Madison. Had to connect thru Chi.

So it was crappy out, I was late as usual. Got to the terminal and the staff was like run, we are about to close the doors!!!

Back then you went out on the runway to board, no people injectors. Anyhoo, I ran out, people pointing at the plane. Got in, belted up, doors closed. Taxiing, takeoff

"This is your Captain speaking, our estimated flying time to Detroit ..."

DETROIT???????

Got on the wrong plane. They arranged for a connection to Wisc. The captain made some snide remarks about checking your tickets. Haha.

funny thing is that the person I was travelling with made it to Chi but was grounded overnight because of weather. I, CEO-like, made the meeting.

I had it all planned.

Never heard first hand of a person getting on the wrong plane.

[ceptimus]

I took a short flight once in Taiwan from the north to the south, in a China Airways TriStar. The cabin filled up with mist while we were taxiing - I think because of the very hot humid conditions, and perhaps some fault with the plane's air conditioning. Visibility was limited to about three rows of seats. At first, I thought we were on fire, but there was no smell of smoke. The air cleared soon after takeoff. I didn't understand any of the announcements, all in Chinese. There were some live chickens running loose in the cabin, which the other passengers all seemed to accept as perfectly normal. The flight itself was perfectly fine, however.

[Hotarubi]

I was once on a plane where the flight crew and most passengers came down with food poisoning.

I was sat next to an oversexed 9-year old, opposite a pyromaniac Sikh and in front of a kidney patient and a demented Nun. Plane was landed by a Vietnam veteran with self-confidence issues.

I'm glad I didn't have the steak , because the medic on board was shit.

[Hotarubi]

But...if you want to experience an hour of abject terror, I suggest flying from Bulawayo to Victoria Falls courtesy of an Air Zimbabwe Dakota.

I should have known that something was wrong when I noticed that the panels on the wings were several different colors, obviously cannibalised from different planes. The tyres were like Bobby Rahal had just done 200 laps and when boarding the plane from the cargo hatch (yes) I could notice the fuselage had a slight arc along it's length.

Fuck that.

In-flight entertainment was brilliant though, which consisted of the one stewardess repeatedly smashing into the fuselage like that bloke in the A-ha video.

[Doctor X]

But I shot a plane in Reno, just to watch her fly.

– J.D.

[izittrue]

I have many stories being in da bidness for 31 years. I’ll think of a good one of these days. Gear landing collapsing on landing for one. Landing gear not coming down is another.

[sparks]

Stewardess? Can I have another Scotch before we die?

[Doctor X]

"I speak Jive."

– J.D.

[Pyrrho]

One time I was on a jet to somewhere, there was a seat that wasn't quite fastened correctly...middle-aged Orthodox Jewish guy got that seat...I recall that he was lecturing someone...anyway the jet taxied to the runway and off we go...during acceleration the Orthodox Jewish guy's seat tipped back and he was flailing his arms and looking all WTF!!??!! etc.

Probably would have made a great Mel Brooks scene. Maybe.

[Hotarubi]

Stewardess? Can I have another Scotch before we die?

You never have a second scotch at home.

[Hotarubi]

I survived a plane crash by jumping in the air just before the plane hit the ground so I only had two feet to fall.

Simples.

[Doctor X]

We were evicted from our plane.

We had to jump in the lake!

– J.D.

[Ben Trovado]

For a cheaper price, I recommend the Grace L. Ferguson Airline (and Storm Door Co.).

[shuize]

Not an accident. More a comment on how times have changed.

My parents divorced when I was young. My mom moved us all over. My dad stayed in Southern California. When I was nine or ten (roughly 1980), I flew unaccompanied from Northern California, up near the Oregon border, down to visit him. The trip down was uneventful. However, on the way back the airport (Eureka-Arcata) was fogged in and the pilot diverted all the way back to San Francisco. We landed late in the evening.

Maybe there was some protocol, but as best I can remember, it was basically airline staff saying “So, what the hell are we supposed to do with this kid?”

Anyway, they sent me home with some married staff. I remember they had kids and were nice enough. But it seemed like it was just sort of off the cuff.

The reason I say times have changed is because I was not molested or offered gender realignment surgery during my layover and on the phone my parents were like, “Sure, no problem. Any random stranger will do.”